Category: New Poems

When I was young, teachers, older relatives and many of my friends always asked me to read books, comics, magazines. What I always read was newspaper I was eager to know the present. Everyday I read, many, many papers. Listened to radio, radio from all around the world. I was deeply into music, drama and stories from around the world. The radio we had at home was something that got most of my attention than many of my relatives. It was sometime in 1984 when we got Television at home. Then everyday I watched T.V. Whatever stupid thing that is shown on T.V I watched it. My reading of newspaper continued but I only listened to radio once in a while. Why I didn’t read a lot of fiction? Because on everything I myself had a version or story. The world may unite in force and prove me wrong. And the world proved me wrong many, many times. People laughed at me, some still mocks me as a fool who never learned. Even the people I thought who understood me, eventually got all ‘stressed’ out and fell apart.

“Patience, world, patience”

I smiled and got up and walked around. I sat and thought about and talked to myself about another of my own version of something I’ve heard on T.V

I can stay like this for age if that’s what it takes. I won’t change a bit, because of all the people in this world, I know one thing… I am not wrong. I am not saying everyone of the rest of the 7 billion people out there is wrong. That’s not up to me to judge.

Then I asked, “What is it that you are not wrong about?” That question which sprouted from my own conscience angered me.

I took my phone, looked at the picture of the girl I love (which is the background of the phone) and it calmed me down. Then I said…

“I was not wrong in leaving my mother land and all I knew to be independent, I was not wrong in standing for the right things to do at work, where all that I got were dishonesty, lies and betrayal. I was no wrong in walking out of jobs. I was not wrong in trying to settle down in a place I love.”

Then I thought, I have gone through all that for a reason. And that reason was a decision which I took long time back before I came to USA to find love on my own. Find a girl whom I can love, make her understand who I am. Understand her and earn her love, share my life to the fullest with her and live a long, long life. I know if I stayed in India none of this might have happened. I would have faced the incredible interference of people who love me unconditionally.

I came to USA…

I looked for love

I found her, I made her understand who I am…. She loved me…

I found a version of my story for that love….

All that I said through that story ended up as criticism of her actions… The one story I wish I can rewrite. The one story like a stone thrown hurt her.. The one person I should have never hurted.

For the first time directly I admit… I love her
There is none to listen…. It is all becoming the crazy ramblings of a story teller. Whose story none understood…

Ah’ hey, my version of my own self is…I am just a vagabond who stopped by at her door step and sought a blessing and she gave me love. That one moment I felt it… I will cherish it forever.

Now when another girl comes to me and even gives me a hint of getting close to me… I will pull my phone out and show the background to her saying “Here is my girl”. Such is the prettiness of my darling… most of the them walk away saying “Lucky you”

Ah’ luck……I will speak about it another day.

It is a crazy world out there… yeah, almost everyone says that. But what makes one think the world is crazy? I tried asking that question and the answers are very vague.
I am a crazy guy, I agree, that craziness comes from a part that makes people laugh, angry and sometime cry. I mix it all. The call that I am a crazy person comes when I do everything else other than make people laugh. There are people who believe I am a dark horse unleashed and I have no destination.
Well it is true that I don’t show a lot of self esteem or I have none at all. The reason is I don’t care what people think about me. I have lost a lot of people who called me friend because of this. I don’t care about them either. Why should I? Hey the one person I call “My Darling” left me for another guy as I told the truth she herself accepted. I gave only stress to her.. the one part I regret. Said that, I apologized… do you know apology is not a one word speech.. it is a step by step process where the last part is the one word speech. I think I am ready for that one word speech… but I am pretty sure it will be to thin air. Otherwise miracles should happen….. well as I know my life very well….miracles doesn’t happen to me. Hey even after putting myself again and again in life’s wonderful moments, LIFE not really happened to me after the age of about 16. So many-a-times I act like a 16 year old…. If that gave stress to anyone… My sincere apologies … I am really sorry.

A ten thousand times I asked… Why her? Sometime by the end of March in 2005… Then I saw this movie.. those last words went like this..

Mo Cuishle Means, My Darling, My Blood.

Yes… the fantastic venom of love got injected into me…

Mo Cuishle Means, My Darling, My Blood

Here is the chnaged look.

This is a one night thing… Tomorrow face will be shaven and I will have a hair cut .. First steps coming out of the terrible flu.

Nights condensed and thrown millions of pearls,
To fascinate your eyes, mind, and that little heart,
Day followed uniting every bit of light sprouting,
Smiles upon your face in the simplistic verses you read.

Small town, silly school romances, friends and foes you had not,
Then through blogs, verses, and comments, he came a friend or foe?
None knows human minds, as life cycle took you round,
Round and round life went, life’s colors round and round lost.

Then when he told you are more than a friend, he felt,
Ah’ deep down the spine of yours a twitch you felt,
Fear of the unknown, fear of the unseen ah’ sleepless your sat,
Feeling the unknown, hands raised in prayer he said, “O’ my love”.

Little heart, innocence-filled heart but a kind heart, yours,
Even the smallest sway in the connection both felt,
Left shivers down the veins that made you both run,
Didn’t you understand your own love Oh’ darling of him?

Like a broken record, he spoke and spoke,
Like a broken record life took him round and around,
Surprised you, scared you, sleepless wept,
Ah’ the unknown man, unheard man, forever you left.

Time passed, a pathos from that broken record again and again heard,
No words, just a tune that spoke more than words,
A lover in all truth lost, a lover who lost his words,
Then some images he saw in his mind, gave him speech.

“Fear not the love of mine, O’ love of mine,
Fear not what you know not O’ love of mine,
Fear not the essence of thy life O’ love of mine,
Fear not to hold my heart in your soul O’ love of mine,

For in the shattered world of romance you and I,
Took baby steps and fell and another fall you fear?
Make thy fear the power of your words and speak,
To a man who seeks thy love, O’ love of mine.”.

That broken record kept on playing the pathos again and again.

© RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved-2015.

The picture generated by AI InstantArt

Dreams, memories, paths passed,
Oh’ how wonderfully ecstatic all were!!.

Lights in dreams turned off,
Memory lines Blocked.

Oh’ how foolish you were to step on that treadmill,
Set, executed with all bells and whistles.

What hurts more is the knowledge,
How pathetically I failed to save you from it all.

Now that your life as a fantastic ‘circus’ you celebrate,
Why not forget the past?
Why not forgive each other?
Why not hold the hands in union for the future?
Hey’ Every ‘circus’ needs a clown isn’t it?

I happen to login to one of my old FB accounts which is not blocked by a girl. I like all that I saw except that this someone who is with her. Call me whatever you want just thought I will check how she is.. then I remember a song, Listen to it or just read the lyrics, you will get the point.

Love Her Like Me.

Music: Elton John
Lyrics: Bernie Taupin

You can take her
Make her change her name
You and your old money
Dance around the flame
But you can never, never love her like me

You can charm her
Calm her when she’s wild
Show a little comfort
Play with her inner child
But you can never, never love her like me

chorus:
So I just close my eyes and steal her away when you sleep
Sneak her in my dreams every single day of the week
You may have her in the real world but if you could only see
How we rock this room in the twilight zone
And you can never, never love her like me, yeah

You can warm her
Charm her with your style
I know you convinced her
She’s the love of your life
And no, you’ll never, never love her like me

You can bless her
Keep her conscience clean
You can undress her
Go all the places I’ve been
But you’ll never, never love her like me

Love Her Like Me

Many many times I knocked, none answered,
I knocked and knocked now it is just a habit to knock.

I wrote those lines and said ‘Oh man you are fucked up’ then I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up to see the movie I was watching on HBO got over the actress(Greta Gerwig) looked so good then I thought about a girl…. yeah my girl
I thought about her you morons.. I thought about my girl. I am fucking insanely in love with her.. Now when I see anything beautiful I think about her.
She can fuck any mother fucker out there but there is no mother fucker out there who can love her like I do. Life is brutal yes a sadistically brutal monster. But I will live through it all.. defining in everything I feel a new way to love her. mmuuaaah..good weekend.

ps: I checked .. sign in lock and followers lock blah blah blah…. I will try to find love for you in my eternal sadness of losing you.

A Spiritual Journey.

The ways we passed O’ sweetness the way we passed,
Now lie wild with darkness and silence filled,
Does it make you happy to leave roads that made you glad,
And dance through the concrete canyons where you are lost.

Spit at me for the wrong I said,
But those phantoms in your anger died and buried,
Now how I erase the fear in you
The answer I know not so no question mark I wrote.

A new way I will pave not,
As every corner shows another way,
But the way in my soul I find with your face painted,
Ah’ even when eternal sadness surrounds me,

I chose a spiritual journey than all other fake smiles.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved-2013.