I have toconfess, I really did a lot of bad things in the recent past. Things I neverthought I will do in my life. I laughed at it all because the anger and vengeanceI felt otherwise would made me do things that would have consume the whole ofme.

    Someone I know told me, do not make ascapegoat of yourself and advice me to edit the following poem to take eventsout of the poem. I did.. It is just a reference of what I felt for her. In away there is only a skeleton of the original poem that is here. There is not alot I am going to say about this girl. She is not a bad girl but among a lot ofbad people. That’s all I can say. In a way I was defeated and I couldn’t helpher at all. Even though I regretted the retaliation I did later. It took a fullmonth of meditation to gather myself. But I still regret it all.

 Here she is


Vast is the outer space, Oh’ empty it is not,
Giant planets sparring through space at higher speeds,
And smaller stones and dust flying around uncontrolled,
From among those went astray a piece that attracted,
Towards the green and blue planet, beautiful from far,
But wild as the small piece came near and near.
Entered the realms of beauty and love unknown,
To everything out there, the lands where love takes the walk,
Oh’ never reached the land of love,
Lost every bit of it in heat and fire that consumed,
But became the invisible vapor that shower upon,
Unknown to where, the stone loved to fall and roll
Darkness crept through the valleys of mind,
And there seems no end to the silence,
Fear purified in the emptiness left,
After unrealistic feelings of love left me astray,
Then sleep came to me as the greatest boon.
Woke up hearing the all I heard the mind said to me,
All through life all in a second and gone away,
Then I saw the pretty face upon my screen.
Oh like the clouds deny the beauty of the stars,
This digital magic takes away the charm of all beauties,
But from her eyes came like glow from a distant star,
That penetrates every cloud and reached my heart,
And to her I succumbed my love and to her I surrendered my verse,
Never asked her name, nor where she is from I asked,
The truth I read though little glitches in my mind I felt.
Oh’ those unknown dark feelings melted away in the smiles of her.

My days of sleep she took away,
Still, woke up with an empty mind, I thought,
But with every stroke of the clock the pleasantness I felt deepened,
Upon the recliner with closed eyes I sat,
Oh’ the silhouette of you left in my mind,
Took a life of its own murmuring words of love
And care unheard to mankind.
Be it my belief, be it my talks of sarcasm,
All the irony in me she turned to jokes,
And laughs of her and mine heard like a lot of falling pearls.
Though her mind swayed in the bitterness of her work,
The mocking folks and hungry sex scavengers,
In me she found the gathering of her minds peace,
And to me in gratitude she gave all her love.
And to her from the depths of my heart I said
A thousand feelings in the past passed me by,
A wonderful dream in your shape took birth,
Though the reality in all ugliness may haunt us,
But never will forget to leave,
A wonderful kiss upon your lips.

The jealous minds who know the love of us,
Oh’ they spied upon every word we said,
And in their dirty minds they conspired,
To destroy the love in all purity in our mind formed,
Oh’ my dear leave all and take the plunge I told,
But trust I gave and ever with every bit of love she gave,
Further and further she fell, far, far away from my knowledge,
In my wrath to all those I avenged, none I left, none I killed,
But with their own life for them a nightmare I gave,
And waited in pain days and nights to hear a word from her.
The waiting that consume all my life,
All the bad thoughts and the darkness returned with all its fury.
Then into the depths of space on a warm night I looked,
With all the pain that felt once more I called her name “Izabella”
Across the sky with a flash and bit of a noise flown,
A shooting star breaking all my darkest thoughts,
With a smile back to my home I walked, knowing,
That little moment was all there was for her,
But never failed to write these lines in my mind,
Like the swish of a shooting star came,
Feelings of love for you, when upon your eyes I looked,
Oh the shooting star faded,
But you in my mind forever will remain.


In summer I met a guy online, when I was trying to have a conversation with a girl in a chat room. He is her boyfriend. This guy really shown me how patient one can be with a girl and what kind of spark one can have inside when love really hits you. We chat almost everyday and it helped me to know more about myself and I was able to help him through some tough times in his relationship with the girl through that I learned, that all I am now came from a moment of spark that took me into a plight. Even though it frustrated me many times to a level of clinical depression. That little spark I once felt with no shape and no face, lifted me up and shown me a path. It is very interesting some how I get a peaceful feeling when I listen to this song. I was looking for this video for last couple of days in my hard drive but looked like I deleted it accidentally, it gives me a spark inside of me. The reason why I was looking for this song was some one told me about taking Ballet lessons.. The dancing scenes in this video is really good and of course this song itself is ‘Electricity’.


Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Lee Hall
Recorded for the musical Billy Elliot
Included as a bonus track on the Peachtree Road 2005 reissue

I can’t really explain it, I haven’t got the words
It’s a feeling that you can’t control
I suppose it’s like forgetting, losing who you are
And at the same time something makes you whole

It’s like that there’s a music, playing in your ear
And I’m listening, and I’m listening, and then I disappear

And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird
Like Electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me, and I’m free, I’m free

It’s a bit like being angry; it’s a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It’s like when you’ve been crying
And you’re empty and you’re full
I don’t know what it is, it’s hard to tell

It’s like that there’s some music, playing in your ear
But the music is impossible, impossible to hear

But then I feel it move me
Like a burning deep inside
Something bursting me wide open
impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying
Flying like a bird
like Electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I’m free, I’m free

Electricity sparks inside of me
And I’m free, I’m free
Oh, I’m free


© 2005 WAB Management Ltd./Universal Music Publishing Ltd.

Sick And Tired.

After all the bad,weird and crazy thoughts, my body told me… “I am sick and tired of you” and most of the girls I bothered prayed to God, please take him away.. God said, he is not that bad… just a little unwell…and God gave me flu.
    Well I am getting well, at least I have a new hobby now, take care of myself. Work is crazy, maybe because there are no pretty looking girls around or maybe I am in the wrong place or maybe I just don’t find it interesting as there are too many things to do which I’ve been doing for a long time now. Maybe I need a change from computer programming to something else. mmmm well I don’t know anything else to do.
  See, no matter how much I run I will get back to the same point. I did not wrote much during the sick days. Well sorry for making a lot of people wait, one even told me in a comment, her frustration. You will see that poem soon.

Crazy Times

A really crazy day, I just don’t know where it started, I was late in the morning for a meeting, even though I reached office at 7:30AM. By about 10:30AM my head really started paining badly. Carried the pain all through the day. Someone at work tried his best to show me how he wants us to proceed as bottle neck after bottle neck we faced all through last month. It all went crazy as a software install on the Mainframe failed. It was around 8:00PM when I left work. Then I remembered one of my program that need to be installed in China have to be tested by the business user there. After a brief chat with a wonderful friend I logged into to get a great news, the people who added that user into the test environment did a bad job. She cannot access the system. I apologized to her and thought I can sleep well…. then I got the very bad news. My sister-in-law’s mother have brain tumor. My brother with his family is leaving to India as soon as possible as she is undergoing emergency surgery. My prayers are for her, hope you all pray too.

I am a man who keeps my words with a passion, but when it comes to situations when my hands are tied and those who care about me cannot be helped. It just tires me down. Very sad …

Woody woody Woodson, WOW Wee

What a wonderful weekend, first the drive to Overland Park, then the relaxing weekend. Sunday I know I have to drive back to my work place( the place where I am is hidden I will not say that here, there is only a handful of people who knows where I am) I thought of going for the Packers–Chiefs game but first my brother couldn’t arrange the ticket, then I couldn’t get the tickets then I thought we will go to the game and get tickets from there. We old lazy bones got up late. But it was fun watching the game on big LCD screen T.V at my brother’s home. I thought the Packers blew this game away when I saw two interceptions from Favre. But he is the Desert Fox he will never give up, two amazing touchdowns then came the man I once told a waste when he was hired by Packers. Charles Woodson, what a wonderful game he played. The true game winner. That was one heck of a game. Chiefs played well too and it was disheartening sight when I saw one of the most prolific running backs Larry Johnson limbing off. It was much more scarier when I saw two Packers defenders carted out. It all happens. Looks like this is the year when Packers will make a statement above all the other teams. I am happy, now back to work.

 Sam, you are one lucky girl to see that game at Lambeu field. I remember that game. I would’ve given my heart to see that game I was a little too far away…  Nikki, you want to say something say it here or write me mile long emails(I love long emails and I will write one double the length of your email) please don’t sent offline messages that literally clogs up my messenger… hehehe. And the rest… I was looking for a permission from the real Isabella before I put the poem in here. Legally, I have to inform her through whatever means possible and wait for at least 30 days before I can speak about her. I did informed and now almost ready( I know she will not contact me back). Now you all know I am writing about a real person. You will see who I am writing about and you will read what it was all about. Give me one more week. Okay…

Have a great week ahead of ya all

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