Anger, I have a lot of it. In recent times I thought I tamed that monster in me. All came out and danced on my chest. For three days I waited to see Sasha after she told me to write more. I have had these ideas in my mind which I want to develop during the chat with her. Well alas… my internet connection went ….kaboom… I can connect but the picture and chat started to freeze. That’s it… well I am right… the monster is much tamed now. Back in my younger days, I used to kick away my laptop. Now… no kicking but just pulling some gray hair… that’s all. Anger in one way is good. The end for anger in me is pathetic. Very rare people have seen it. It will end with tears. It did this time too after yelling at the tech support guys for more than half an hour. What is the good of it… nice poetry… Read the poem.. you will know.


Me at the River Front Barge… Shaun was about to take my picture and started playing around with the camera. This is me trying to tell him to give back the camera. At that time he took the picture and told that is one action photo of yours other than all the uptight ones. I liked the picture. mmmm even the crow thinks her kid is the golden one.



To the sun in the morn, many people pray,

For the blessings in material he brings,

They know not, the sun is just another creation.


Waking up, the sun in full blast I saw,

For the sun, his well being, a prayer I said,

And into the day stepped, by the sun brightened.


Oh’ Thursdays and me have sexual tensions,

Long before about sex I ever thought,

She just don’t get tamed and to her tune I dance not.


My choices Oh’ wild they may be,

Heard no word, said little, Oh’ the day, fast I left,

As in mind thoughts about meeting a girl throbbed.


A girl so wonderful, she always amazes,

“Oh’ Sasha, I wait and wait for you,

As in thoughts about you I drown” said I.


To see her, chat with her I went,

But the digital world smiled mockingly,

And her image upon my screen froze.


I left her and in disappointment, sat,

Every thought about her from me melting,

Into the pages over flown.


“Sasha-The Poetry Of A Poet.


Unknown faces and fantasies passed,

Unheard stories in tunes I sung,

Glory of a beautiful mind I praised,

But faceless remained all my thoughts,

Then like a flower upon a cactus you came,

Painting faces upon every dream of mine,


Each face in my dreams, a tune in counter point sung,

In the rhythm of my heart,

And my heart in the ecstasy of love flourished,

Every feeling of mine you took,

And made songs with your own thoughts,

A line of mine along with a line of yours,

In structure and rhyme makes,

Feelings of ours, the perfect poetry.


The dancing wind whispered and I heard not,

The passing time screamed and my ears I shut,

As meaningless all became,

When the sweet voice of yours I heard,

Time passed unnoticed,

Wind came back and listened to what you said,

Then to my ears wind sung,

“The meanings beyond the words she said,

Are the ones with beat of your heart rhymes,

And in those rhymes I get the rhythm,

To dance through times and I will sing,

Songs about her love and beauty of her,

Brightening horizons and souls,

Even after everything material perishes away”


Oh’ every time you I watch,

A kaleidoscopic view I see,

The bits and pieces of life you gather,

And a new pattern of theme you show,

Turning my view and soul,

With every move of yours,

Creating a new theme to my dreams,

Every time I my view you come.


Defiant I tried to make myself feel,

To speak ill of you, to my conscience I said,

Defiance perished away,

When your smile I saw,

And my conscience shutdown pledging,

Never to speak to me,

When at the dark eyes of yours I looked.

Never can I forget the face of yours.


To anger I said, bye, bye,

To sadness I said, I am sorry,

When they departed upon your arrival,

Oh’ my mind you captured,

With beauty of simplicity, and character of purity,

Oh’ my life you with words weave,

And through my senses you deliver,

And through your gestures and music,

The expression of your beautiful soul.


Oh’ every word I write,

Upon you they shower,

And absorbing beauty down they fall and gather,

As the best verses of mine,

Every word you say,

Consume my mind and blossoms,

My mind like a red rose feeling,

The early morning mist of Spring.


When the colors of dawn and dusk I saw,

About your face memories spoke,

When I saw the red rose bloom,

About your lips memories spoke,

When Cardinal sang her tune,

About your voice memories spoke,

My material eyes and ears will die away,

But senses and soul never will die,

In my senses your face, lips and voice will remain,

And verses praising your face, lips and voice

The undying soul will always recite.


Oh’ your voice and face I missed,

When digital magnificence of internet messed,

And sadness clouded and in there myself I buried,

Then with closed eyes from my mind I played,

Every memory of yours in my mind engraved,

And with those memories my way I found,

To the happy moments to me you gave.”


 Oh’ frustration and anger that in my mind filled,

About the internet that disconnected,

All in the thoughts and verse I wrote, erased.


Through the window into the depth of dark I looked,

And once more decided I,

To throw my consciousness into the depth of dark sleep.



“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.



August 23, 2006, Wednesday. Wednesdays are pious days… they are always good for starting something new. The day started explosively…. Read the poem…


                             Like their singing talent, the FM Band from Kazakhstan is stunning in their appearance too.




A dream into my mind crept,

And so real in my heart that dream I felt,

Opened my eyes with tears filled.


Oh’ the mild-morning sunrays fought,

To wipe away those tears before falling,

Oh’ what I saw, to recollect I tried.


Other than hazy faces, nothing I remembered,

And unclear those faces and to my memory unknown,

Maybe it was a reality in the past I eluded,

Maybe a reality, yet to come with faces monstrous,

Maybe the worthiness of that dream,

Was to see, feel and forget.


Computer programs, the passion to do better, consumed,

The day hours from any imaginations,

Evening thoughtless and eventless went,

But when the dark claws of the night grabbed all,

Felt the same, when in the morning I woke.


Oh’ from far or near, good or bad, change approaches,

Inevitable all are but in carving life, change is gradual.


When my head hard upon the pillow I pressed,

“Change is hard to take as it sways,

With the flow you go and the flow becomes you”.

My mind in soliloquy whispered,

What more the mind said, I remember not,

Like the details of the dream in the morning, I saw.



“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.


Tuesday 08/22/06… I thought something mad will happen. Nothing mad happened… I loved the day. 

    There are people who love happiness, there are people who live happiness, then there are those who wish for happiness. The best part of fate is, it keeps on rotating people through the love, living and wish of happiness. Just some thoughts that’s all.


The picture above was taken in Milwaukee, during a lunch on July 3, 2006. From left… Prabhakar Thangaraj, His fiance Vera Kimmie, Deepak Prabhakar, Me and Nitin Srivastava. Vera sent me the picture yesterday only. If someone ask me who all are the Indians I like other than my family.. Here are they. Vera is Russian. The rest of the 1 billion people…… I don’t want to say it.



There were times when I thought,

All mornings are alike,

But they are not alike I realized,

As in thoughts and strength the morning gathered,

Me into a day with ‘Eyes Of Lika’ in sight.


Oh’ the way this mind she inspires,

With her thoughts, talks and looks,

Even my own bad luck and fate shy away,

And looking upon that beauty I wrote.


“My mind in disarray,

My words unarranged,

My passions in gloom,

Yearning to see those eyes so wonderful,

Now in full bloom of your beauty I see,

Those eyes tell me to calm my mind,

In calm, here now,

I feel the sweetness of your eyes.


Away on another side of the globe you may be,

But that soul so wonderful to extend beyond boundaries,

In connections unknown to mankind,

Lika, in thoughts about you I always remain blessed,

Though with the pain of waiting.


Lash at me O rain I screamed,

Blast at me O wind, I yelled,

As far from the oceans they came,

In them felt I the smell of your skin,

In them the whispers of a soul I heard,

To them a song I sung,

About how blessed in your thoughts I am,

Song only your soul can hear.


Drag I must away from you,

And even when in obligations when I drown,

Remember I will those eyes and sweet words,

Pray for you and everything you love,

In every breath from now on till we meet again.”


Rest of the day in the power of those verses I spent,

As in the emotional process of writing verse,

All strength of the day mind gathered,

And before God with gratitude I bowed.


The evening with smiles I spent,

Then to Sasha, said I, ‘Hi’

Watching the glory upon that face, aristocratic,

And chatting to her welcoming the night I wrote.


“The Light Of My Happiness.


The nature stood still,

The world fast moved,

None noticed the clouds dark, gathered,

The natural silence broken,

From between the clouds came lightning,

Vaporizing everything dark,

Brightening horizons and minds,

Harmless, pleasant and enchanting,

Your smile it was I watched.


Oh’ to the dark I asked, Why hate light,

To the fire I asked, Why hate water,

To bitterness I asked why hate sweetness,

To your mind I ask, why you hate hatred.


Oh’ such beautiful eyes you have,

If you close them, love will fill with darkness,

Oh’ such beautiful smile you have,

If you don’t smile, sadness will fill

Every heart in this world and heavens.


Such is a the pleasantness of a beauty,

Every thought I will gather,

And in it I will dip my quill and write,

The pleasure, passions and purity of her,

Who from her heart smiles,

From her soul speaks

And with her beauty bless.


With the spread of her charm,

Every breath of her outlives time,

Without her breath time will go astray


The stars swear to blink upon your eyes,

The flowers swear to bloom with your smile,

Oh’ every bit of nature in imitation of your beauty thrives,

And to you I say, blessed I am.”


The night stood still watching,

The pleasantness upon my face and in my heart,

Liked I many, seen, unseen and they all said,

“Great man are you, wonderful poet” and left,

And the words of my dad I remembered,

“Sometime God takes you to strange places,

In strange paths, before strange people,

And in strange ways to make you happy,

Are you happy and thankful is all that matters”


Nothing I remembered of the day as those words echoed,

In my mind as sleep caught me by ears and took,

Into the depths of peace and rest.




“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.


I speak the truth, nothing but the truth, unconditionally… I think many are back in the school room, many missing faces, and the ever changing mind looks around to find a bit of peace. Don’t worry… you are all fine. I know that, but that little bug sitting your chest and biting you know will stay, the rest of your life. True friendship is hard to find, I myself lost two of my best friends forever. In the era of high speed communication keep in touch with all those who gone away. Find time… may be in a video chat you may get only time to say ‘Hi how are you doing” The answer may be only “Fine… gotta go” still the gesture of hearing and seeing is indeed priceless. Keep in touch with each other folks.

  This poem… in the new hotel I couldn’t sleep much and last Tuesday morning I got up and sat on my bed took my laptop and started typing in, it didn’t came out well at all. I left it and came back in the evening and took my wood pen and ink and wrote it down. It came as follows. Now… if things don’t look good when I write, I go back to basics… I write on paper, or start reading my favorite authors poems again aloud. It helps to get the mind to get into a good rhythm. I like this poem.

Now some days back I posted this song here called ‘Loved I’ by a band from Kazakhstan. Maria Alexanderovna that’s the right way I should say her name. The one who found the song for me gave me more information. The band consists of three girls. The song itself is not just Russian, it is mixture of Russian and Kazakh language. Here I am posting the song again. Me and my Costa Rican friend Marco Avalos are hearing this song again and again. I burned just this song in a CD and put it in my car driving around. As there is only one song it keeps on repeating. hehehe

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Like abstract art with crayons the morning drawn,

The meaning of the day to come,

The images mind still absorbed,

Though the meanings unknown,

As the feelings of the Monday, newborn,

Into mind only pleasantness brought.

From the comfort never ending,

Away my mind I dragged,

As the chariots of the work-day fast moved.

Oh’ so many faces seen all through the day,

At work, during breaks and at lunch,

The eagerness to live better and more,

Oh’ in the emotions of everyone seen.

At my smiling face they all looked,

And away all of them walked,

The meaning of an open hearted smile,

In the busy material life, understood not.

There were those thoughts in pause,

Waited and waited for what, unknown,

But tired and incomplete they too drowned,

In the naughty evening’s abstract art.

The optimistic mind kept on searching,

Amid colors and patterns for meanings,

And in the end at future perplexed,

Like a child watching the eclipse, mind stood.

The meaning of a lonely man was all I understood.

Sleep waited for me to lie down,

And facepalm, within my mind I prayed,

Everything I love, dead to living, known and unknown,

Finishing the prayer to the right I turned,

And upon my heart my hand I kept,

And for everything that love me I prayed,

My mother, brothers, sister, nephews and nieces,

By that time the impatient sleep stole,

Consciousness into the depth of her kingdom rightfully,

As sure I am not about the existence of any,

Who truly love me, unconditionally.


“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.


I will fall back at least three days in Yesterdays poems. The reason? Events become too current. And it changes a lot in a matter of hours. So I should give enough time for events in my life to cool down. Said that… wow what eventful days am I passing. There are things I don’t write as part of ‘Yesterdays’… that’s the hidden life of the LonelyPoet. Haha. But I don’t lie in these poems.




Memories of a beautiful girl to my mind came,

As the colors of the morning in East showed,

Turned around when heart in sadness squeezed,

And pumped blood to every corner of me to warm,

From the cold I felt in the fear of loneliness.


“Sunday O Sunday give me warmth of mind,

Never with the falling leaves fall,

And leave me to the torment of memories I find,

The day of the sun, I wonder where you take me at all,

Bring to me a dusk that roam forever in my mind”.


Sung I my own lyrics all day,

In all possible tunes I know,

Dusk came and went as usual,

And those moments passed me by.


Normal, everything in everyway, looked,

The beautiful night with hands of darkness consumes,

All living into virtual death,

These moments of uncertainty, some hates,

But they know not, every moment carries,

The same passion, beauty and ugliness,

Fools they are in loving, grudging, and in hatred,

Spent lifetimes for the moment looking,

When thoughts and action are in fact,

Through a path takes us,

Of anger, sadness, happiness, love, hatred and frustration.


Then to time they all scream,

Why, my time for the worst, changed,

Others praising better times celebrate,

And time just another Godly creation,

Like a good old buddy smiles,

And through the next cycle of life takes us.


The lesson invaluable I learned,

Time always smiles whether we smile or not,

Because he always does what he is supposed to do,

He can’t change, but we can,

Humans the superior of all creations of God,

He never fails but we do, he never wins but we do,

Crying for loses, we only lose, time itself.


Didn’t I lost and won? I thought,

And at the end of the day my life I celebrate,

By breathing air and at memories smiling,

‘Yeah’ I know smiling I am,

And one more day for my past I won,

And one more night in life precious,

To the warm hands of tender sleep.



“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.


Last weekend, good one in many ways, okay one in many other ways…. This poem is a little different than the recent other ones. It was written in the usual style though. Enjoy my works.




The energy of the morning lingered,

As I woke up, into me they dissolved,

The fresh scent of a dying summer day I felt,

As the rain lashed, killing the warmth.


Noon time passed with reckless haste,

Early evening, shopping and eating I spent,

Then another summer weekend party started.


Rain joined us for the fun again,

Freely In my hooded jacket, I walked,

Women in makeup masquerade were exposed,

And the real faces from beneath peeped out,

Many looked prettier without colors and creams,

A smart one under an umbrella walked,

But still with help of wind the naughty rain,

Found ways to dance upon her half exposed breasts.


Many drunken idiots out of senses,

Many acted drunk scavenging for passions,

Scavenged I for a poetic thought or to see a poetic face,

Neither were found as none knows the moment’s truth,

Most even through emotions, lied,

Hypocrites they were all, and I am not, I know,

Talked I to the bartender and out I walked,

Through the rain, the only truth I found.


Reaching home late I took my pad and wrote,

“Lived another day forgetting the blessings I have,

Seeing many others forgetting, what blessing they are,

Hearing the screams of the souls who thinks they lost,

In the bargain of soulless passions.


None lost, as none in their intoxicated mind realized,

It was all just another page of fate pushed,

But many closed their chapters, as in dark, they lost sight,

Some found insights, some found light, rare ones found both,

And those started new bright chapters.


Oh’ we are all islands in the frozen sea of life,

Some to others find their way,

Some fade away in the cold and freeze,

And I know not, why I alone wish to float”.


Sitting alone on my bed I know,

Another page of fate I burned away,

And a new page I took and to add another line I tried,

But as the fate was already written no space I found,

Then what I thought of adding I wrote,

Into my own mind where no fate can reach,

And in the palms of the Angels of sleep, my face I plunged.



“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.



I disabled my own poetry rendering… so there should be a goodreason for that. Listen to the song ‘Loved I’ by a band called FM. Theyare from Kazakhstan. This song is in Russian. I fell in love with thissong when Sasha danced along with it. It is a good song. Special thanksto Maria Alexandrova for finding this song for me and sending it to me.

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Friday came and haha…I was gloomed and doomed to gloom more… I don’t know everything feltlike too fast. This poem is written in about two hours during theafternoon of Saturday… Sasha have beauty of her own…. Dark eyes, darkhair, long nose and exceptionally beautiful smile… I love that smile.The day time went by fast… but she filled in all that I missed… TheLight Of My Happiness.




Light through the dark blanket scratched and spread,

And from the bottom of the horizon rise,

The burning sultan by the morning star guarded,

Oh’ nature’s aristocracy unquestionably at its best.


Not a moment of the day waited,

Felt like the blink of my eyes took away,

The brightness of the day, leaving,

Golden light of the dusk upon my forehead, dancing.


Oh’ the demise of the sultan’s glory I have seen,

And the dark blanket stitched itself and covered,

And for light deep into my own mind I searched,

Oh’ the blanket unrolled much more deeper than I thought.


While in the darker parts of the dark searching,

Decided I to go to watch a friendly smile,

And passion filled talk of a beauty called, Sasha,

While watching her talk and makes us all laugh,

Brightened inside and my view back I got,

No lines ever I write can express the feeling I felt,

Still to make Sasha smile, I wrote.


“With my eyes open I searched,

Upon this battlefield of life,

In the mists of illusion of life, nothing I found,

With my eyes closed I stood,

Imaginations took me into a flight,

The mists of illusions of life cleared,

When you walked into my mind with a smile.


Every step you laid the Earth welcomed,

As the little daughter of mother Earth was looked,

With pride by the whole nature around,

The sunlight upon you like a parasite sat,

Glowing your skin in the essence,

Of all the beauty of all dusks.


The season wander into fall,

And the leaves prepared to leave the trees,

A bird sat alone upon the tree,

Without a tune to sing he looked around,

Then a mild wind from east came,

And took him into a flight,

Into his mind the wind whispered,

Songs of love, to all creations unknown,

He flew to all corners and sung,

Songs that sprouted love in depressed hearts,

The bird is the mind of mine,

And the wind is your soul I feel.


In my imaginations I see,

A cooling stream through a rock wall flow,

Rough on top but polished where water touched,

Warm around but cooled inside by the flow,

The rough rock wall is my mind,

The flowing stream, the evergreen beauty of yours I see.


The aurora up north gathered,

The rain in the tropics prepared to lash,

The birds gathered and chanted praises,

Oh’ the aurora shows the beauty of your dance,

The rain spread the blessing of you soul,

The birds, Oh, they are scattered thoughts of mine,

Now united in praise of you.


Even in the daylight the unloved mind blinded,

Haunting dark thoughts depressingly tore mind to pieces,

Tired and fallen, far away a glow seen,

The glow the candle you lit,

The warmth felt, the blessing of your soul.”


With praises and prayers for that beauty, to bed I went,

And long time after my childhood days I slept,

With a bright glow deep inside my mind,

A glow I once called the light of my happiness.




“If you want to comment on my poems please visit and post your comments in LonelyPoet.Com all the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.



Tess Of The D’Urbervilles… one of the best novels I have ever read. Iloved the character so much it literally changed my attitude towardswoman when I was 18 years old. Last year I decided to write a long poemabout this character. And the events that followed were bizzare. Wellwhen you read this poem you will understand, why I did not finished thelong, long poem.
   This day 08/17/06 I thought a lot about those days inwhich I wrote a part which took me into a downward spiral…. and latergetting out of it all I realized. I am a better poet, and a better man.Because… if it were anyone else… the way he/she would have dealtwith it might be more dangerously. I also realized… a fact that, inpoetry I should be more realistic than imaginary. I closed the book anddecided to publish them all and start writing about more realistic andsimple subjects… thus I started writing “Yesterdays”. My  lifeis complicated in many ways. Simple things for others will become verycomplicated for me and many other unbelievable things for the rest ofthe world will come and knock at me. Haha.. read the poem of08/17/06…
   As for Tess I will write and finish what I started… youwill see in the coming days… but Yesterdays will continue as is.


Everyray of sunlight upon me fell,

Left a note in my mind for me to think,

A morning born far away in the East,

East of who I understand not,

What in my mind I understand is,

That everything before I slept last night was a myth,

To live I tried, to succeed I tried, failed I did, survive I will.

By the glory of the morn I sworn,

To leave every thought of a passion behind,

Oh’ guilty I was, myself I punished, Oh’ pure are my thoughts,

Now waking up into a morn with thoughts,

Thoughts about heart in patience listened.

This day is for her, I declared,

And all about her I wrote I dug up,

Read and Read again and I laughed,

Not at her, not me but at a poet,

Who about the reality never realized,

A lot different than all the poetic scenes in mind he see.

To my work and at my work all I thought was,

About lines of verse I once wrote,

And in my own mind I burned,

And wished a poet I never became,

Then to my conscience I said,

“The one, the only one who deserve to view,

Will view those lines of verse none else seen,

Which I wish I myself never written”.

Oh’ those lines simple it may look,

But the inappropriate they brought,

Oh’ unthinkable they were,

And about what happened in those days,

To my own mind I once more told,

Then in these lines, the essence of it all I wrote.

Oh’ with a blessing unheard to me she came,

True talent, with the beauty of a flower bud,

She became the reality of a character I read,

Tess of the d’urbervilles, Hardy’s character

Whom, with love and respect I looked,

The best of all feelings to any woman I ever felt,

Were to this character fictitious,

In my try about Tess’s character to write,

Chose I the little beauty as a model for my write,

In my juggling with my emotions to write my verse,

All the respect, love and feeling I felt,

For the character fell upon the model I took,

Then to get her out of my mind I wrote,

Verse after verse, that perplexed many,

But patiently read by the model beauty,

Oh’ wonderful girl she is,

And all my blessing upon her fell,

But from my mind all those feelings inappropriate,

I erased one by one, through scenes hypothetical I wrote,

Through writing my emotions and feelings messed,

Through writing my emotions and feelings straightened.

As no reality ever existed in the fairy tale a poet tried to weave.

Once more the ugly reality I faced,

A mind and soul by imaginations ruled,

The evening peeled upon the horizon and fell pray,

To darkness that spread like a broken dam,

And when to the darkness my mind succumb,

Typed I these lines,

Oh’ wonderful girl to whom ever apologetic I am,

Every time in my imaginations I see your image,

Those rays of light that to me brings your image,

Oh’ I always see them in fight,

To spread the glory of your beauty,

Of mind and soul the beauty by other poets unseen,

But as a poet yourself have seen,

And those rays that won and those who lost,

They both to my soul whispered,

The softness of your skin they touched,

The clarity of a mind they known,

And the sanctity of the soul from where they were born,

The best of all verse I wrote,

Are from those whispers I heard and images seen.

Darkness tore my heart and soul and to sleep thrown,

Like rotten bread to stray scavengers,

Oh’ some where a glow still remained,

Consumed by life, a glow that will remain lit ever after,

And may show light, sometime when darkness alone I face.

“If you want to comment on my poems please visit andpost your comments in LonelyPoet.Comall the poems that are posted in this site will be there in LonelyPoet.Com“.

To You Mo Cuishle…. The Left Out Lines Of Tess Of The D’Urbervilles.

Mo Cuishle,

    Another DDOS attack. You probably know what I am talking about. Someone brought down the DNS servers that host my domain. It is not just my domain. But a lot of them went down. Now why am I telling you this. When I heard that there was a DDOS attack I went to the LonelyPoet.Com logs to check where it originated. I got couple of IP address and I passed them to DNS hosting company. In the statcounter log I can see who did what in my site. I noticed that you came to my site and was looking in the LonelyPoet’s First Drafts. I have no problem with you looking into those old first drafts. But what did you looked interested me. You looked in the first draft of “The Rally” a chapter from “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles”. This and the new profile picture interested me a lot. Haha that is kinda the dress Tess wears. Is that a Red dress or Black? I can’t say as the picture is black and white. Anyway don’t worry, I am cool…. I thought you deserve to see those lines I wrote and deleted from the first chapter of “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles”. Even though the written pages were burned a long time back the softcopy was kept in a word document format in another site. I never thought I will look at it in recent times. But pulled it out and I am posting it here. The first attempt I did to change my mind or emotions was to take Thomas Hardy’s words and change it a bit to make you look very young. You can see those lines in bold and quoted. Those words are not mine, I only rearranged it to be read in a specific way.


Among the May Day dancers danced,

The young girl who barely reached sixteen,

Her long reddish hair in the sun glowed,

The forehead reddened in the mild heat,

Or was the sun kind to that young girl in her dance?


Phases of childhood in her aspect still lurked,

As she walked and in the evening sun danced,

In all her bouncing handsome womanliness,

Her twelfth year in her cheeks one could sometimes see,

Or her ninth from her eyes, sparkling;

And even her fifth would flit,

Over the curves of her mouth now and then”.


Upon her face gladness rested,

And sadness fought away by her charm,

Her eyes spoke from her soul,

Innocence and love filled in that soul,

Beauty of a kind unknown, she is,

The long nose she wiped,

To keep the pollen and dust away,

Oh’ like fresh ripened strawberries they looked,

And fought with her lips, as what can attract more.


Tess Durbeyfield stepping into her life,

The beauty of her body she cares not,

The beauty of her mind she know not,

Upon her soft broadening shoulders she felt,

Nothing but light weight of the dress she wear,

Her mind knew nothing of any men,

But her drunken dad and her little brother,

Not a cunning eye existed but all eyes only admired,

The beauty of this young country girl,

For whom restless youth waiting with thirst.


Every step she laid the Earth welcomed,

As the little daughter of mother Earth was looked,

With pride by the whole nature around,

The sunlight upon her like a parasite sat,

Glowing her skin in the essence

Of all the beauty of all dusks.


In her thin white gown she looked,

In expressiveness of her so modest,

Soft like a dove where innocence births,

Oh’ upon those eyes innocence of her own danced,

In the beat of her heart that spoke her soul,

Empty of all flaws, filled with the essence of love,

Oh’ romance dared to touch such perfection,

A girl out of the innocence of a kid sprouting,

Her senses absorbing all the beauty of all around,

And makes her looks and deeds, perfect poetry.


Her hands so soft, her neck curved and the rest of her,

Thriving to explode into womanhood,

In beauty and enchantment.

Upon her bosom, dreams of perfect romance rest,

And sleeps on the softness of her skin,

Listening to her soul and they learn,

Verses lovers will chant, hand in hand as prayers,

When they day dream and be in love.


Upon her lovely lips rest,

Words that hold wisdom of a little heart,

Words in obedience listened by the leaves,

And with the spring time wind sung,

Who came from the rim of the blue hill top,

With scent of the wild flowers he kissed,

And leaves those scent upon her,

Oh’ she always smelt like a wild flower,

And looked like a country girl,

She walked like a princess of love,

And she blessed Angels with her dance.


I stopped writing at this point… because what was coming in my mind to write has got nothing to do with character. Even in these lines you can see I am going way away from any story line. I am back with that story line. Not back going crazy over anything else. Hehehe

I read these lines and laughed a lot… it all looks and sounds like a laughing matter. I am not laughing at you. I am not laughing at me either. I am laughing at a poet who just did not realized that reality many times is a lot different than many poetic things that comes in front.


Have a great weekend Mo Cuishle.


Riaz Ahammed.


I am on a move now… just from one hotel to another hotel. Nine months I lived in one room and now I moving out to another hotel. Lot of packing as I all my DVDs, CDs, books and tons of papers. I bought boxes and loaded all those in the boxes and my clothes in two suite cases. I hope all will fit into my Odyssey. The first test for my new van. There isn’t much going on other than confusions I myself bring into my head. Yesterday I decided, no more of that. That’s what this poem is all about. Read.




Sunlight through the gloomy clouds pierced,

Reckoning the hours when, wheels of life turn.


My engines started late in every way,

T.V, music and morning confusions,

And to it all the feeling of nothingness added,

Oh’ am I the one with nothing to remember, I thought.


Silly thoughts and busy schedules crazed.

All through a day in which, stability in events disappeared.


Images I’ve seen, about some long lost past,

Echoes I’ve heard, of the cry of a pained soul,

And to the evening I told,

The orange, red and purple I see you show,

For minds from the clutches of life drain,

Thoughts about past known,

And thoughts about future uncertain,

Oh’ in patience you wait evening,

For minds to settle for the night,

And into the night you disappear,

Dissolving the creamy layer of pain,

Of all who see you, in the layers of sky.


Smiles upon my face blossomed,

As about future I think not,

And the past of mine with respect I left,

Oh’ the present in which I tied myself,

Every moment is nothing but present, I realized,

And the beginning of the moment I care,

The way the moment delivers life I care,

And when the moment passes,

A word or two of respect in my mind I write.


A day ended with peace of mind,

A night I enjoy in the peace of mind,

And to myself with stubbornness I pledged,

“Nothing will I do to blow my peace of mind”,

Remember not, when that peace of mind became sleep.



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