Mo Cuishle,
     No, No, No I didn’t mean you to stop
commenting. It was an ironical remark, that’s all. I am so sorry if
this created any confusion in your mind. I was just sad because
Jennifer didn’t responded properly. Well… that is still the
case.  That was what I was saying. See Sam there is no need for
any formality between us, as we understand what we are to each other
very well. If you ever feel bad about anything I write or say, feel
free to tell that immediately. That’s what I told in one of the
comment. The easy way to get me online is just visiting my xanga sites.
The trackers will instantly email me to my phone saying that you are in
my sites.
Okay… once more I am sorry for the confusion. Pray for me… I am
confused about a relationship here as Jennifer is acting like a
teenager. I signed the publishing contract and my work is tightening
around my neck big time. But you are always free to contact me for
anything you need. You are still something, something, something to me.
That’s why I call you Mo Cuishle, and you know what it means. Every
comment you write in any of my sites is taken as the word of an Angel.
Never stop commenting.

The Signature Of A True Human  Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
Riaz Ahammed.

From A Heartfelt Feeling.

Here is a happy news. I have already told some people in  Xangaabout it. My book “Age Of Survival” got accepted for publication. It isthe collection of 175 poems including all poems which I posted here inmy Xanga and my poems taken from LonelyPoet.Com.Today I signed the publishing contract witnessed by another poet. Ihope to see it in online and local stores soon, which of course maytake sometime. I will keep you all posted about it. So all of you whoencouraged me, my special thanks to you. What is the best I can do? Apoem, here is a poem I wrote today and so far only seen by Jennifer thepoet who witnessed my contract signing. Feel free to say your mind hereor in LonelyPoet.Com about what you think about this poem. I will be removing all poems from LonelyPoet.Com in couple of days except the latest ones which is not in the book.

Here is the intro I wrote for the poem and the poem.

When one feels love and feels that there is no way to achieve lovethere is that feeling inside that is not that easy to describe butpain, squeeze and cold all join together like lava forming inside avolcano. That’s what I am talking about in this poem. There is nosimple way to say this and it may be one of the spearheading topic insome of the poems that’s going to follow. Read the poem and tell mewhat you all feel.

From A HeartfeltFeeling.

Turn away not, O love, turn away not,
A lot of questions I asked and no answers came,
The way I am wonders me always,
Unloved, uncared and neglected I sure will live,
Life given, through chain of meaningless events must live,
What meaning should I give to these times?
When life never happens in the time I want,
And love never touched me in anyway at all,
And still I love and love with the faith,
The one I love may feel my love someway.

Inside the chest always feel the squeeze,
And like a thousand needles into the heart piercing,
Oh’ love in suffocation thrives,
For the love from the heart known only through love.

Glory of moments of care unknown,
Again and again senses waiting to feel,
The age of changes died away without swaying,
The dead leaves upon I wrote my verses of love.
Silence in the loveless dark path haunts,
A soul only loved and wished to be loved.

Speechless you remain O love,
And in silence I only hear my own breath,
And in silence all my fears awake,
And dances upon my tear filled eyes.

O a smile from the depth of your heart I want to see,
Unpronounced your likes and dislikes may remain,
But give my memory a smile to remember,
Enchant me with a look from the depths of your soul,
Through those eyes you always turn away.

Turn away not, O love, turn away not,
From the only truth in my life I ever realized,
The love for you that will forever live in me.

Background Sound “Song Of The Dying Nightingale” I recited the poem for my ex-girlfriend Valentina who liked to hear me recite my poems and recorded it sometime on an early morning in January 2003. She wanted me to recite the poem early in the morning, as that is the time according to her my voice was at the deepest.
I added the Illachime Quartret music two years after I broke up with her.

Mo Cuishle,

  I totally understand… Anyway
thanks for trying to understand.

 In all honesty, that
is the one post I really, really wished you didn’t replied. Especially today, a
day, I know I am truly empty handed. Nothing to do with you… but you know who I
am talking about. It’s alright… there are certain things many people cannot
have… For me I am gifted to just write about it a lot.

Life Is Complicated When One Act Bad And Think About It.
Life Is Simple And Easy When One Think Right And Act Upon It.
Riaz Ahammed.

Mo Cuishle,
      Looks like your mother is way pissed off
with me…. she got every right for it after what happened. Well… I
can’t do anything about it. I have noticed that she unsubscribed from my
xanga. That’s okay… as I don’t update my xanga regularly. She looks
like blocked me from MSN also. Couple of weeks back I saw her online
and said “Hello”… no response. Today I saw her online and said “Hello”… no
response again. I really don’t know how will  I apologize to her. I don’t think
that will ever happen, as there is no way I can communicate with her. She is indeed a great lady I admire a lot after
we chatted many times on MSN. May be I am way too wrong than I assume.
The irony is I just can’t do anything about it… Really, really sorry
about it all.

Riaz Ahammed

Mo Cuishle,
     I think a long time back I said you will
always be my Mo Cuishle… I will never be able to forget you. You are
right, through some incredible efforts I was able to get over the
emotions and feelings that sprouted out of my own wrong thinking. Like
I told you when I chatted that I made you kinda a model for my writing
which made my whole thought process go haywire.

  You can laugh at this…. I know in the end I need to get
something else to get rid of you. I know it won’t materialize into
anything… but here are the details… Her name is Jennifer… a poem she
wrote is there in LonelyPoet.Com. We talk most of the days but even
though she is a wonderful girl, I have only a little hope in anything
working out with her. Read her poem “Love Against All Odds” and the
post along with that poem when you get time.

  The book will come out I don’t know which store will request my
book. I hope it will sell well with more of your lucky blessings.

 Now about the lucky blessings… for every person it is something
that works as a lucky thing for them. For me it happened to be your
words. You will have to figure out what is that lucky thing for you.
You will be fine I am sure about that. You truly have a wonderful
heart, though I have never met you, from the interaction I’ve had I can
assume that you are a wonderful person.

 My happiness… I recently told this to someone ” Happiness is not
an emotion I can have these days” but I am not sad or frustrated.
However there are those moments I get angry at myself about a blunder I
did with a fifteen year old. Probably I will get over that soon too.
Don’t worry about me… I will be alright. If at all you need to contact
me I will be available and don’t hesitate to ask for anything, I will
do whatever I can. Keep in mind you will always be my Mo Cuishle, and I
have no vested interest.

  I would really like to hear more about your encounter with your
dad. I hope he is married now and probably have other children. Or is
he still single? You know he looks like a heavy metal musician.
Probably your music taste came from his side. Did you mother saw him?
How did that meeting went?

 Visit LonelyPoet.Com I will be posting my new poems there. I will
post any developments on the book here as a protected post as well as
any developments with Jennifer. Maybe you can leave a lucky blessing
for me winning her heart. Haha. My prayers will be there for you always.

The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
Riaz Ahammed

Mo Cuishle,

I haven’t heard from you for days, well… I don’t know when is your spring break you are probably at spring break. When you see this I hope this news makes you feel more happy than you already are. I just received the news from my publishers they accepted the manuscript and are offering to publish my book. The contract details are all worked out and probably by the end of next week everything will be signed.

So once again thanks a lot for the luck offerings. It truly works and you rock….

Convey my regards to Kate, Billy and your dad whenever you see him or talk to him.

Spring Is The Time To Blossom, Summer Is The Time To Grow, Autumn Is The Time To Harvest And Winter Is The Time To Lie Back And Enjoy The Reverie Of All.

Riaz Ahammed.

There are people who are sad that I am gone and don’t writehere anymore. Yes… I will not post regularly in this site. I am right now usedto living with constant pain. I think I am getting addicted to it. Withoutmisery I don’t think I can live anymore. So what do I do. Put myself intosituations where I have no chance of success. Fail take the bit of pain andspread the pain to every corner of my body. WOW what an intoxicating effect.

 The people who toldthat they are sad should have read my pervious post very well. You won’t missme in LonelyPoet.Com or LonelyPoet.Org. If you comment there you will get acomment in your xanga. Make sure to use the same nick name like the xanga nickname in my sites. You don’t need to be a registered member there. For the timebeing that’s the only way you can see me on xanga. I will be posting the restof the “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles” Poems here. Then I will be posting poemabout the next fictional character. No more riddles about the character. IreneAdler from the story “A Scandal In Bohemia” This story can be found in theclassic “The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes” By Sir, Arthur Conan Doyle.

 If you don’t likelong poems that’s your problem. Like I always say. “If you want me come and getme, If you don’t want me, I don’t want you either.”


Mo Cuishle,

Wonderful hear
that you did good in the dancing. I am posting something here. This is just for
you. My publisher asked me to submit the poems in a manuscript form and in the
last week I was preparing the manuscript. Well in all only 174 poems made it to
the manuscript. All the poems I have written in the last one year are still
there but the axe went upon the older ones. No worries as none other than me
have seen those poems.

Well I never asked
for your lucky blessing, you always gave it me. I hope and pray your blessing
will be upon these works. I will let you know about the developments in these
protected posts.

Said all that… as you
have read most of them, if you think any one of those poems should not be
published. Let me know before Friday. Alright.

Thanks and have a great week ahead of ya.

The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On
The Face Of Others.

Riaz Ahammed.

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