Author: riazahammed

Where do I start this post? I asked myself that question a thousand times today. I started a new phase of life yesterday. I should be more reasonable to myself in the matter of demands and I should be more responsible about everything I do from here on. Life shows one way, we choose another and end up walking a totally different way. It all comes in a package of positive, negative and of course things that neutrally passes through us all. It is easier to write about it than live it.  All those are glittering will lose their shine the moment you think what is seen is not shiny anymore. It is fascinating how people change their minds and that’s what I was thinking all day.

  When I started this day I thought I may end up writing a poem by the end of the day with the way thoughts travelled. But it is a déjà vu. I have lived this day. I have thought about the same way many times and I have written many poems in the same structure and theme again and again. I am tired.

  I wrote to someone with an open mind, I meant myself to be a better person, I meant myself to try to make another person understand me in a better way. I am not a sick person to feel a connection to another person at all. I am not a person who will just make up dreams and write about it (even though I claimed myself doing that many times). When certain events failed to be part of past and are with me and my everyday life, it makes no sense to impose upon life a self inflicted wound of waiting. However, when someone else is felt every moment of my life in every action I do, either I am full blown insane or I am very much in love with that person. The failure to judge that sanity, insanity issue is where I am right now.  I know it is hard in every way to talk to someone you don’t love and I truly understand the mentality of a person who don’t love you at all.

   In many ways I tried to string my words and write verses and bind it all into the feelings of mine. But I have said it all; I can only repeat all that was said. I have no more words of mine to say. All I can say is I would have spend every breath for you my inspiration, my darling, my love.

13 Years of Waiting is over The Lombardi trophy is coming back home… The Green Bay Packers are world champions… WOOOO I feel so lucky to be back in Wisconsin when this happened. I want to hug and kiss another Wisconsiner …. Yeah..

I am on the Road Now.. Watch me Thinking Out Loud

Here is the Poem in a video

Day is no day without light,
Bird is no bird without wings,
Music is meaningless to the deaf,
Art is nothing for the blind.

Cold means nothing without the warmth,
Body becomes a rotten corpse without the soul,
Present means nothing without the past,
And there is no future without the present.

Life without love, vastness of outer space,
Life without you near, unlivable,
When thinking about life without you,

A thousand thunders inside of mind explodes,
Crushing every hopes and dreams to oblivion,
Once more I ask,
How will I end this? Please help.

Let it snow, Let it snow.. wow beautiful snow. How am I going to get it all off my truck it is an half an hour job. I can see it through the window of my hotel room when I am drinking Hot Tea sweetened with honey and boiled oats mixed with minced banana. Obama, bail me out.. give me a million I will never mess with any computers just write good poetry that will inspire Americans to do a better job.

  Said that, this poem maybe inspiring or may not be. It was written out of sheer frustration of my failure to convince a girl to at least be a friend online. Well, you be the judge in how well it all came out or not.

Stay safe and drive with care. Make sure you are warm.

The Defined Sense.

 Life, Ah’ life, it started with a mind with emptiness filled,
Humble steps and harmless falls took mind ahead.
Cried,  when nothing more known or pain of fall felt,
Smiled, when before an unknown for attention stood.

Defined, one’s own destiny with actions filled,
Refined, those actions when in failures backfired.
Misunderstood whispers, Oh’ redefined theology,
Sacred texts, Ah’ misunderstood philosophy.

Unanswered questions, mind in twists and turns feared,
Unconquered mind, Ah’ a lonely man’s missed fate,
Awkward silence of an unloved lover,
Torture that shows no bodily harm.

Valued by paper money, accepted by mocking talents,
Adored by time torn beauty, vision by illusions blinded.
A love filled reality by the mocking world destroyed,
When light from soul taken away by dramatic rejections.
 
How well should I shout to tell O darling how loud I should shout?
And tell you how much I love you,
Unreal it may sound, Unreal in every eyes that defines you,
Oh’ in real, five senses without you, a melting furnace.

I know you don’t define me, I know you don’t love me,
But without you undefined my life all around scatter,
Without your love senses their feelings lost,
As all merged into one sense and defined, you can never love me at all.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. All Rights Reserved-2011

One of the things people should know is what they can eat or not eat. If one is eating something one don’t know anything about be stale and don’t move because if one does one can end up in some serious trouble.

   I am hyper lactose intolerant most people who know me well know that. I get free lunch where I work so the chef also knows that I can’t eat or drink anything that got diary in it. So today morning I went to the kitchen and got my Oolong tea made. Then as usual I picked up couple of cookies and left. The cookies tasted good but it tasted different than the usual ones. I had tea then I went for lunch at about noon time. Lunch was chicken roast, beans and some very small round, round things. I asked the chef.

“What is this?” She said. “Chow mow” or that’s how it sounded like. The guy stood by me said it is good with chicken. So no second thoughts I took the lunch and came and ate. Great stuff I ate them all

  By the time I finished the lunch I got a call that someone needs one of my personal documentation so I needed to go to my hotel room. I went out and said “Oh boy”

It is snowing like hell outside. But I have a four wheel drive truck so no worries I started my slow and steady trip. About half way through things started going bad in my stomach. A real blizzard was brewing right in there. I cannot drive faster either as there was like 2 inches of snow on the road. But somehow I reached the hotel and know I forgot to take the room key from my bag.

  I went to the front desk and told. “Buddy I need a key to my room and you need to give me fast” by my look he understood what is wrong. I got into the room and jumped into the toilet. Ooooh. Sitting there I contacted chef and asked “What was that chow mow or whatever?” She told. “Oh I forgot to tell ya, it was prepared in butter and buttermilk” I told “Yeah I know, it is going faster than Niagara” it was good for a nice laugh during the drive back and during the rest of the time at work.

 I told the chef  “I will never eat anything I don’t know about”

Now when laughing sitting in the office I can see what is the second best thing I love in Wisconsin, falling all over the place, spreading the color of peace. The first one spreads a smile every moment of my life with her awesomeness.

Hi everyone,
   Thank you very much for your patience. I’ve been going through some rough edged times as I am trying to come to a grinding halt from a plight that started off back in India in the middle time of year 1993. Many of you were toddlers as I started taking life face to face and the experience were amazing. I have seen, learned, handled and mishandled at least 3 lifetimes of sadness, anger, horror, pleasure, leisure and the thrill of adventure and I am feeling the weight on my shoulders these days. If someone ask me materially what I have. I will say ‘zyphyr’ that’s one of my words I use to indicate nothing. Honestly I did not lose in life. I may not be a success in many eyes. This is the end of one phase. The beginning of the next is at the door step of a house. Yes a house I am buying in a place where “Lonely” Poet was born. I thought about this for months I needed something to bind me to one place and this is my way of doing it. I will be here and I will be writing. I need to evolve into someone better than who I really am. When I am looking back, I know who I failed as, a lover. It was an obvious failure as I was always on the move. Do I regret anything I have done? No, I don’t as all that happened, happened not only by my own choice, there were others who made choices too. All that happened, happened because that’s the way it should have happened. I got hurt many times, I bled from inside, I shed tears in silence, I even wished I was some other creature, not a human. It was all meant to happen and the reason is. This is life. It comes in packages through a string of events we always won’t be able to connect immediately. Time is not a healer, Time is a facilitator, Time shows us what where the connection through another set of events. Time has no control over our lives for Time is yet another creation like, you me and everyone else.
  As for my BlogTV shows, I wish to restart it in the place I am buying. The closing of the house is not done yet. I needed to go through hell with banker after banker because of my unique job situation. One employer employs me and a set of other companies pays me. Enough to confuse underwriters, who were otherwise would have been undertakers. I fought hard for it to prove that I deserve it. There were people who drove me nuts by the end of last year, who did not do what they are supposed to do. Then there were others, total strangers who had never seen me came and helped and still helping me to get through this. That’s another way of life. Pray for me, bless me, wish good luck for me. As I do that for you all who touched me in one way or the other all the time. If everything goes right you all will be able to see my blogtv shows here on Valentine’s Day.

The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.

This is a video I recorded during a drive to Waukegan, IL. The sound went off as QIK software when the network towers changed. I know it would happen but watch the first 9 min… You will enjoy.

Day or night I don’t care, Cold or hot the air is I don’t know, As the depths of mind once more prepare, To take disappointment and live with it in the way it is. 

This is a song I grew up listening to. Not played by radio or tape. My mother sang it all the time. The translation of the original lyrics is bizarre and people who know the language Malayalam will hunt me, find me and kick my ass for the changes I made.  But those who know the situation I am in including the soul of P. Bhaskaran  will smile and wish me good luck in getting over some tough times. Listen to the original audio too.

Music: M.S.Baburaj.
Orginal Malayalam Lyrics: P.Bhaskaran.
Singer: S.Janaki.
Raga Used: Pahadi
Written for the Malayalam movie ‘Tharavaattamma’ in 1966.

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Upon the wings of a lovely little dream,
I wish I were near you dear.

To see your lovely face,
To hear your loving words,
Together to share the sorrows of yours.

In apologies to embrace those silk soft foot,
To caress that heart in pain hurts,
With the cooling fingers dipped in love of mine.

Upon the wings of a lovely little dream,
I wish I were near you dear.

If I don’t call upon ever day,
Don’t eat, don’t sleep,
My darling in life, my darling beyond life.

When will in real I see,
The lord of the love in me sleep.

Upon the wings of a lovely little dream,
I wish I were near you dear.

To see your lovely face,
To hear your loving words,
Together to share the sorrows of yours.

—-
Here I am adding one musical piece. The audio is my blogtv recital of the poem Invisible Dreams my Scottish friend Darran who is a hard rock musician added the music to the audio from the video.

Trusting me is not so easy. I know once someone I called darling trusted me and I screwed up big time. I don’t trust myself after that. But my darling, trust me, you are the best singer I’ve listened to in recent times. Experiments are not needed for that perfection, for the poet in you shows her might through voice and musical notes and it gives me peace of mind. I would do anything to keep you in peace.