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Hi, all, my xanga family, I felt deep the curiosity of all of you. Let me first say my sincere thanks to you all for the great well wishes for me in my new job and my cousin who is still struggling to regain her memory.

My cousin is still having memory problems, she asked for me who left India more than 7 years ago and have no memory of me leaving India. The sad part was she asked for my dad who died 12 years ago. She have no memory of my dad’s death either. But there is hope, as she recognizes her children who were born after my dad’s death. She keeps on talking things that have no connection to reality. But prayers and faith sure will get her out of this mess.

About my move, as usual something that can happen in a simple manner got into all sorts of complications. I was supposed to get into a plane at Dallas/Fort Worth airport at 6:45PM and the manager of the company that arranged the assignment told me to call him so that I can leave my car with him. He made a mistake when he told the phone number, he said 517 instead of 571 and I was calling him from 5:30PM onwards with no answer. At last at 6:10PM he called me and then I left the car at his place and we were rushing through the traffic to the airport. Alas, the check in close exactly when we reached there. I got bumped to another flight to Atlanta, the problem is there is no connection and I need to spent the whole night in the airport. The manger guy was almost pleading to me to go as they need someone to start on Thursday. I agreed and got into the airport. Then comes another problem. As I am a Muslim who changed the flight at the last minute, I got strip searched… I don’t think those guys might’ve slept for another couple of days. When I reached Atlanta a flash came to my mind with a name Kim Thomas my old buddy in India who now lives in Atlanta, we haven’t seen for nearly 8 years and I called him when I landed in Atlanta. He came and picked me up and we spent the whole night talking about the stories of all these years. The next day morning I got on to the plane to Dulles and now I am here in Virginia.

As for the new poems I always promised, I finished one. It was a request from a young and pretty friend here in Xanga. This is what she requested…”something exotic…wild..
about forgiveness, the hardships of life.. “. It was a great request. Fitting what I’ve gone through. This poem is a decentralized one, there is no central theme. It only speaks about the feelings. But I hope you all will enjoy it.

Thanks again my little family here. I love you all.

Scattered Dreams.

The feelings of dreams unfulfilled,
Flow through veins burning,
Every corner senses can feel,
As days pass me by,
Unknown about my existence.

All the emotions and the feelings that sprout,
From deep inside, deep in a forest grows,
Like that flower in vivid colors blossomed,
But unnoticed and uncared tall she stands,
In the shade even the spring rain missing,
To feel the touch of her adoration.
The humming birds and bees,
Around her they fly and admire,
Color and the sweetness taste,
Of the honey she offer,
But none felt the beatings of her fragile heart.
Only the tears of that flower wets the roots,
And fertilizes the dreams for her to see.
The emotions and feelings scatter,
Like the pollens of that flower unknown.

Oh’ none of the emotions and feelings scattered,
Connect to the thoughts of loved ones,
Parents, relatives and friends,
Who loves me even in my imperfections,
And they are lost in those imperfections,
Care and love in scrutiny defined,
Every moment of life bound in obligations,
And those things I feel the perfect me,
Unheard, unseen, unfelt and remains rusted. <>

Into all those eyes filled with care,
How will I look,
And live to fit in a life with deceptions,
Unloved and uncared by my conscience?
And how long will I suppress,
And live for the day in frustrations,
And wait for that day when I will stand,
Upon my own dreams in fulfillment?

There are those days to come,
When with the forgiveness of all those who loved,
For all the deceptions and in the forgiveness
Of mine to all those who forget to understand,
I will be a dream fulfillment,
With you nearby, a realization,
Of the gathering of all those pollens.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM.

Hi All,
  I will be out for couple of days.. I think.. I will explain indetail what is going on. I am going on a wild ride…. nothing special.Today I was assigned in a new job in Virginia and I have to report inVirginia tomorrow morning on a new assignment. I don’t know where I amgoing to work and what I am going to do.
Anyway once I get settled I will respond to all your replies and post more poems.
Peace And Love
.
 

A dead day, in which nothing happened. Well… there were a lot of phone calls nothing but waste of my air-time that’s all they were. I was loading the poetry database from one server to another and it got stuck as the hosting company started a back up in between. So that also did not worked out well. But my spirits are high. I have seen a lot of days like this.

Here is an update on my cousins situation. She is 42 and got pregnant with the fifth child. During one of the morning sickness bouts somehow a nerve to her brain got ruptured and created a clot. She is now conscious but have memory problem. Her condition is serious but stable.

Today I took back the poems I was working on, it still needs a lot of modifications, so here is an old poem taken from LonelyPoet.Com

Beating Of The Wings

Long days, long walks,
To unknown destinations,
Short nights, clouds deny the beauty,
But weariness drags mind and soul,
To sleep and sleep to dreams.

Upon the tree she sits,
Singing tune after tune,
Sweet as the honey in her belly,
And in her tunes she means,
These words to be sung to my sweet heart,

“My heart is telling, you are mine,
My soul is telling, its not alone,
And you are telling, I am all yours,
Among all these to whom shall I listen to,
Your innocence tells,
I should listen to you,
I should listen to you my sweet heart”

The fallen dead branch killed my dream,
But my sharp ear heard,
The beating of the wings going far away.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. The poem was released on the web in LonelyPoet.Com in the winter of 1998.

There is a calm out there, twisted confusion, crooked people, good people, happy people, sad people you name it they are all out there. But when walking through the mall I felt these are the moments truth. I survived that too.

What a day I had, well… nothing happened. All the things I thought is going to happen just procrastinated, when I was driving and got stuck at the first red light I know what this day is going to be.

Intuition… mine only speaks to me about the negative side of life. Well I am glad this day is gone now. The sun losing his hair looks like red bald monster. There is wind I don’t even know what direction it is blowing. But I am deaf…. I only hear my own whispers. Just got this one in my mind.

Read….

The Wandering Storm

Over the calm ocean dancing,
With fury and arrogance,
Is the storm that threatens everything,
His laughs are echoed around the horizon,
His anger thunder upon the strongest mounts,
His compassion rains and cools the valley,
Up he goes to kiss the sky,
Down he comes shattering everything beneath,
The naughty storm so unpredictable,
Changing speed, color and landscapes,
For months away he hides,
And swims back to fulfill his fun,
Many times unleashing the wrath of revenge,
Against the sins of the material world.
I watched him many-a-times,
I walked through him couple of times,
But I always laughed at the storm and with the storm,
As my understanding of all he is,
Takes me a step closer to myself.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM.

Not the best of the day today, but I will remember it for sometime. I got IM from my brother in India that my cousin is badly sick and was in ICU after her nervous system collapsed. She is now out of ICU but still bedridden and have hallucinations. She is one wonderful lady who leads a simple life, my prayers are for her and I hope you all pray for her too.

As for new poems I am still working on it but most of my day was spent on thinking about family and friends. Especially two of my best friends from school who are no longer alive. I always believed myself as a fearless person but these are times when I feel the fear of losing people I love from my life.

I am going to post another poem from my site LonelyPoet.Com.

Thanks all

Peace and Love.

The Poem.

From the first words of mine,
Step by step I thrived to you,
Sometime like an Arabian horse I ran,
Away from the mother tongue, so different,
Like a Roman fighter I fought,
To kill the inner and outer blocks I’ve had,
Nourished and adored the artist child in me,
With sounds of nature that aroused,
Visions out of dreams that kept me live,
Merging my senses on to you,
From the lusty passions I escaped,
But inside burns a desire,
That turns into pain that melts,
A heart and soul abandoned,
And throws senses to the limits of sanity,
Hiding the feelings and pain,
With a smile of sarcasm I welcome,
A world into my lonely life,
Life that circles in cycles of repetitions,
With morality torn and happiness gone,
When fallen tired in the whirlpool,
With thirst for perfection;
Blown into my senses like a cool wind in summer,
You came to me like a melody unheard,
Inspiring mind and soul to express,
The colors and sounds and taste,
In words that express the love in my heart,
Which none else will hear but,
The heart it meant to be will feel,
No matter how far,
No matter it’s dead or alive,
Verses so perfect will even make a frozen soul pray,
When even dust perishes away,
After the dooms day,
Let souls of great lovers hear,
Hear the echo of mine whisper you,
Until we all takes the eternal sleep.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the winter of 1999.


This is the lyrics of a song called “Breaking My Heart” By a Danish band called Michael Learns To Rock. I heard this song when I was in India about 10 years ago. The reason why I am posting it here is one of my former collegue called about 3 hours ago and said, its over for him and his girl friend. I was out of speach for sometime and just now I remebered the song and thought many of the visitors may be interested in the lyrics of this song.

I’m on the floor
counting one minute more
No one to break the silence

Staring into the night
all alone but that’s alright
It’s the feeling deep inside I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
counting the words you’ve said
They linger in the shadows

Coming home late at night
drunk again but that’s alright
It’s the look in your eyes I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

This is the lyrics I found on the web if there is any mistake in it please bear with me.
Thanks.

It’s the weekend, wooo… nothing exciting happening, my phone sitting there silent, my IM’s smiling at me mockingly with no sound, and my mail notification pops up every now and then saying in my own voice “DOH..The Mail Is Here” leaving another junk mail in my mailbox.
I am still not happy with some parts of the new poem I am writing. Maybe I may have to get into the mindset of a much younger person. Which is not easy… lol.
But I am not going to leave you guys empty handed on this beautiful weekend. I hope you guys are doing great like me enjoying being yourself.
I wrote this poem in 2000 naming it ‘Age Of Survival’ and one day when I publish all my poems as a book this will be the name of that book. This is only the first part of a three part poem if you want to read the rest of it you need to go to LonelyPoet.Com and read the rest of it. But this part stand on its own. I hope you all enjoy this one.
Thanks a billion for the great comments all .
You all have a wonderful weekend evening.

Age Of Survival
Part One. Cocoons.
The little hearts I see on the streets,
They tell me how innocent I was,
The beginning of imaginations I remember,
And those imaginations weaving the cocoons,
In which I kept my dreams one by one,
Dreams about small things and big things,
About the world I live and the world unseen;
Dreams about my love and the love I get,
Dreams about life here and hereafter.
Of all the cocoons I kept in my subconscious,
All became beautiful butterflies,
And live around me as my life,
Except the one in which I kept the love I get,
Which became a beautiful butterfly,
But flown far away, so far away from my eyesight,
Leaving the rest, just to die and rot away.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com in the summer of 2000.

A day I thought I am going to sleep all day. But today morning my Broadband guys called me and said they are going to disconnect my connection if I don’t pay them now. The automatic bill pay failed once more, I told them that I will pay with my credit card and gave the same credit card I used for the automatic bill pay, the lady told me to hold and in about half a minute came back on and told that I don’t owe them any money as the automatic bill pay worked yesterday and apologized for the mistake. DAMN I said, I couldn’t sleep all night and I slept at 7:00 AM and this call woke me up at 9:45AM.

Had my breakfast stretched a bit to relieve my back and it’s still sore but I am getting used to it. Took my poems and gone through it once more but I know I cannot write even one line today. So here is a poem I wrote back in 1999 from a piece of verse I wrote sometime back in 1996. There is a long story behind this poem but that is out of context here. Visit LonelyPoet.Com if you can and try to understand the circumstances which prompted me to elaborate on an old idea. I hope you all will enjoy this poem.

Your Love.
I’ve heard the sounds water made,
Upon the the pebbles beneath.
I’ve heard the birds sing,
Upon the oak with joy.
I’ve heard the clasp of the branches,
When the wind blows with care.
All those gave a feeling of love in me.

I’ve seen the waves love to die at shore.
I’ve seen the flowers open a little more,
For giving comfort for the bees.
I’ve seen the smile of the cute kid,
Who have only innocence to give.
And all those gave a feeling of love in me.

I’ve tasted the purity of the pure water,
I’ve tasted the freshness of the ripe fruits,
I’ve tasted the sweetness of the sweet tears.
And all those gave a feeling of love in me.

In my deep breaths I’ve felt,
The smell of the fresh blossomed jasmine,
The smell of the healing plants,
The smell of the pure nature.
And all those gave a feeling of love in me.

I always wished it all, to be there in one place,
To feel it all, to smell it all,
To hear it all, to taste it all,
Together once in my life time,
My prayers were answered,
I got it all in your love for me.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was released in LonelyPoet.Com druing the spring of 1999.

Thanks for all the comments about my poem and to all who took time and effort to visit back. Yesterday was a disaster, I felt sick with back pain, stomach pain and I became a total pain in the ass for myself.
 Today I woke up at 1:00PM and walked straight into the toilet and my ugly, unshaven face scared the shit out of me. Thought I will shave but as it makes little difference and I am not going out for at least another couple of days. The procrastinator in me woke up and distracted me off it. Then I remembered this poem I wrote in 1999 in Ft-Lauderdale, FL. As I am working on two different poems which is not complete yet, I hope you all will enjoy this one.

Epitaph Of The Lonely Stranger.

My first love left me, with blame on me,
Then I saw a lonely stranger smiling at me,
My second love left me, with blame on me,
Then I saw the lonely stranger laugh,
When I left the third one,
He celebrated my loss, a whole year.
Now alone trying to laugh away the pain,
But the more I laugh,
More tears fill my eyes,
More fragile becomes the folds of my heart,
And the lonely stranger still celebrates,
He who gave all the misconceptions,
He who intelligently made me wrong,
He added weight, when I went lean,
He who lives in me, with me , all my life,
But every word of love to me, hurts him,
The more loved I am, the more he bleeds,
Hey, beauty by the road side,
Let your first word of love to me, be,
An epitaph of the lonely stranger.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM. This poem was written in Ft-Lauderdale, FL.
It was released on the web as part of the first poems in the pilot run of LonelyPoet.Com.
 

Hey guys,
   Click the link, I can guarentee you that you will laugh at this sportscasters nightmare.
Sportscaster Nightmare! – VIDEO

Hi All,
   I am back from couple of days of rest and work and rest. I did not do anything to actually write in here. Today is good. My visa extension got approved, woohoo. … well still a long way to go to get that green card.
 Other than that, nothing much. I thought I will post the first draft of the poem I am working on,  please look at the entry on Tuesday, March 29, 2005. I’ve told you all that I am going to elaborate on that idea. I did worked on it. Then did modifications here and there and my usual drill of leaving it for at least 48 hours before I do anything with the poem.

Ageless Life.

My loving heart filled with passions,

Lusty thoughts and arrogance charged,
After every glimpse of loving eyes.
Dates and romances filled,
Days, evenings and deep dark nights,
Where thoughts and words of love,
Weaved dreams of lifetimes ahead.
No man felt the love so high,
Of hearts filled with pure love,
No man felt the care so well,
Of paternal and maternal love,
And I had those magic words to get all those,
Oh’ how many wonderful moments filled,
Like the golden rays spreading,
All over the horizon,
My life filled with the colors of joy,
And in my younger days I achieved happiness.

All those days passed me by,

Leaving a dark cloud that always loomed,
Over me with vengeance,
And an unknown shadow that tripped me down,
At every step to success in life.
Arrogance in achievement and pride in self,
Anger and lust and the deceptions for it all,
All I left for compassion and love,
But the lusty past like a monster growled,
And that unknown shadow filled everywhere.
I am my own enemy I said,
When sadness, frustration and fear conquered,
Every corner of my imagination.

Days are days and they all start,

Bright and cool and end in dark,
With colors over the horizon spread,
That day started bright and clear,
A cool breeze came to cool my heart so hot,
Vaporized every bit of fear and sadness,
And the frustration into the clear thin air,
With loving words she woke up the real in me,
The arrogant and proud old lover in me,
She loved the anger and the fury of lust,
And I added compassion and love.
These are days I longed for long,
As every day she started new,
With love unknown in the heart of mine,
And weaved my life with dreams anew,
And in her eyes I looked and said,
Oh’ what a wonderful view of heaven I see.

Time and age will turn hair gray,
And wrinkles skin around the bones,
Even then our heart and soul will dance,
In the purity of love for each other,
Cherishing every moment of these days,
And those gone by dark days of mine,
And will laugh at our little ones,
Going through the same.

© http://www.lonelypoet.com