Author: riazahammed

In summer I met a guy online, when I was trying to have a conversation with a girl in a chat room. He is her boyfriend. This guy really shown me how patient one can be with a girl and what kind of spark one can have inside when love really hits you. We chat almost everyday and it helped me to know more about myself and I was able to help him through some tough times in his relationship with the girl through that I learned, that all I am now came from a moment of spark that took me into a plight. Even though it frustrated me many times to a level of clinical depression. That little spark I once felt with no shape and no face, lifted me up and shown me a path. It is very interesting some how I get a peaceful feeling when I listen to this song. I was looking for this video for last couple of days in my hard drive but looked like I deleted it accidentally, it gives me a spark inside of me. The reason why I was looking for this song was some one told me about taking Ballet lessons.. The dancing scenes in this video is really good and of course this song itself is ‘Electricity’.

Electricity

Music by Elton John Lyrics by Lee Hall Recorded for the musical Billy Elliot Included as a bonus track on the Peachtree Road 2005 reissue

I can’t really explain it, I haven’t got the words It’s a feeling that you can’t control I suppose it’s like forgetting, losing who you are And at the same time something makes you whole It’s like that there’s a music, playing in your ear And I’m listening, and I’m listening, and then I disappear And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird Like Electricity, electricity Sparks inside of me, and I’m free, I’m free It’s a bit like being angry; it’s a bit like being scared Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell It’s like when you’ve been crying And you’re empty and you’re full I don’t know what it is, it’s hard to tell It’s like that there’s some music, playing in your ear But the music is impossible, impossible to hear But then I feel it move me Like a burning deep inside Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide And suddenly I’m flying Flying like a bird like Electricity, electricity Sparks inside of me And I’m free, I’m free Electricity sparks inside of me And I’m free, I’m free Oh, I’m free

© 2005 WAB Management Ltd./Universal Music Publishing Ltd.

After all the bad,weird and crazy thoughts, my body told me… “I am sick and tired of you” and most of the girls I bothered prayed to God, please take him away.. God said, he is not that bad… just a little unwell…and God gave me flu.
    Well I am getting well, at least I have a new hobby now, take care of myself. Work is crazy, maybe because there are no pretty looking girls around or maybe I am in the wrong place or maybe I just don’t find it interesting as there are too many things to do which I’ve been doing for a long time now. Maybe I need a change from computer programming to something else. mmmm well I don’t know anything else to do.
  See, no matter how much I run I will get back to the same point. I did not wrote much during the sick days. Well sorry for making a lot of people wait, one even told me in a comment, her frustration. You will see that poem soon.

A really crazy day, I just don’t know where it started, I was late in the morning for a meeting, even though I reached office at 7:30AM. By about 10:30AM my head really started paining badly. Carried the pain all through the day. Someone at work tried his best to show me how he wants us to proceed as bottle neck after bottle neck we faced all through last month. It all went crazy as a software install on the Mainframe failed. It was around 8:00PM when I left work. Then I remembered one of my program that need to be installed in China have to be tested by the business user there. After a brief chat with a wonderful friend I logged into to get a great news, the people who added that user into the test environment did a bad job. She cannot access the system. I apologized to her and thought I can sleep well…. then I got the very bad news. My sister-in-law’s mother have brain tumor. My brother with his family is leaving to India as soon as possible as she is undergoing emergency surgery. My prayers are for her, hope you all pray too.

I am a man who keeps my words with a passion, but when it comes to situations when my hands are tied and those who care about me cannot be helped. It just tires me down. Very sad …

What a wonderful weekend, first the drive to Overland Park, then the relaxing weekend. Sunday I know I have to drive back to my work place( the place where I am is hidden I will not say that here, there is only a handful of people who knows where I am) I thought of going for the Packers–Chiefs game but first my brother couldn’t arrange the ticket, then I couldn’t get the tickets then I thought we will go to the game and get tickets from there. We old lazy bones got up late. But it was fun watching the game on big LCD screen T.V at my brother’s home. I thought the Packers blew this game away when I saw two interceptions from Favre. But he is the Desert Fox he will never give up, two amazing touchdowns then came the man I once told a waste when he was hired by Packers. Charles Woodson, what a wonderful game he played. The true game winner. That was one heck of a game. Chiefs played well too and it was disheartening sight when I saw one of the most prolific running backs Larry Johnson limbing off. It was much more scarier when I saw two Packers defenders carted out. It all happens. Looks like this is the year when Packers will make a statement above all the other teams. I am happy, now back to work.

 Sam, you are one lucky girl to see that game at Lambeu field. I remember that game. I would’ve given my heart to see that game I was a little too far away…  Nikki, you want to say something say it here or write me mile long emails(I love long emails and I will write one double the length of your email) please don’t sent offline messages that literally clogs up my messenger… hehehe. And the rest… I was looking for a permission from the real Isabella before I put the poem in here. Legally, I have to inform her through whatever means possible and wait for at least 30 days before I can speak about her. I did informed and now almost ready( I know she will not contact me back). Now you all know I am writing about a real person. You will see who I am writing about and you will read what it was all about. Give me one more week. Okay…

Have a great week ahead of ya all

IF ANY DAMN GUY/GIRL OUT THERE WHO THINKS BRETT FAVRE CAN’T THROW OR HE SHOULD RETIRE. FACE ME,  I SWEAR I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN THEIR BODY. THAT WAS ONE GREAT WIN. GO PACKERS. daang

Hello, Hello,

    I made a promisethat I will post the poem “Isabella” soon here. I am sorry, I couldn’t  finish it before I took the one month longbreak for Ramadhan. The fasting month is over and now I am back to my writing.Work stands between me and who I truly am. Hehehe. Yes my new assignment ishectic. Still I hope I will be able to finish it before the end of next week.

   So what all happenedafter my last post…… not a lot, got a new job which still is not permanent, Ilived for nearly 15 years as a vagabond, so it may take a little time before Ican settle down. But I will not give it more than 365 days. That decision isnew.

. On the fun side,before going into Ramadhan met Shobana one of the best actress I have seen inIndian movies. 2 time Urvasi award winning actress who started acting when shewas 14 or 15 years old. She was honored by the Indian government with a Padmashree one of the highest civilian honors in India. Excellent dancer and an amazing person. I first met herin Mysore when I was in college, she was actingin a movie with south India’ssuperstars, Rajanikanth and Mammooty. She was lean and was moving around allthe time. Now she is winding down with her acting career, at least that’s whatI believe. She is on to classical Indian dancing. She made a Broadway showcalled ‘Maya Ravan’ based on the Indian epic Ramayana. For a charity event shecame to Overland Park, Kansas. Nearly 40 years old now, a littlemore chubby than the last time when I saw her in Mysore, but when she started dancing… wow… 4hours straight with taking 3 min breaks for dress change. After the show shecame out to meet her fans, I took some pictures and here is one of the picturetaken by a friend, I felt a bit touchy when she said, “I am tired, I must sit”

From left my niece Amina Mariam, sister-in-law Nishi Ahamed, my brother Shibili Ahamed, and me… Sitting is the tired Shobana.

If you want to know what she does with her dance here is a taste of it.

Enough about Shobana, hehehe… back to Isabella, yes, from my mind she is on her way to yours. Be a bit more patient Ladies and Gentlemen.

Excerpts from the blog entry inLittlewoods in LonelyPoet.Org

Everyone maybe wondering, why not a lotof poetry comes from me now-a-days. I have finished the second bookit is two different collection of poems. One is “Yesterdays” which ofcourse you all may have read the rough drafts on PoetryBox andLonelyPoet.Com. The second one is called “Romantic Feelings” Istarted to write it about a year ago. The first 15 poems in thiscollection was never seen by anyone. Then I went on to write another45 more poems in nearly 8 months. Comparatively slower for me, thelast time I finished 110 poems in 90 days. Well of course that was anemotional circus to get someone out of my mind through writing asthat person got in my mind because I tried to write about her. Thatis a long story about which we both laugh. Well haven’t heard fromher for sometime now…..

So the new book is called“Yesterdays And Romantic Feelings” in all there will be 110 poemsin this book. The book “Age Of Survival” contains about 192poems. This one is shorter and I hope the book will be lessexpensive. Last time I got complaints that the book is a bitexpensive at $21.95 especially from some of my European friends. Wellmy European friends bought more books than my American friends. Lookslike the Europeans bought the book and complained than the Americanswho never bought the book but just gave me a smile instead. Well itsold much more than I expected. But I my expectations about theAmerican poetry readers was a terrible disappointment. Well I am theLonely Poet and I am a big disappointment in winning hearts, won’t mypenname say it….

  I will be editing the book for somedays from now on. There is this poem I am working on calledIzabella. I don’t know if that poem will be part of the book or not.Well soon you will see that poem here.

The Verve – Bitter Sweet Symphony

HelloAll,       

There are hundreds of toolbars out there well is there one that isexclusively for poetry  couldn’t find one and then I thought Ishould develop one. Found a site where I can make one without mucheffort. You can download it directly. The best part was there is nospywhere, malware or adware in this software. I tested this myself andasked another 10 people to use it and test it well after couple of weeks of usage they gave me a okay to go to release it. Thetoolbar can be used to play 100s of radio station and watch T.V on yourcomputer. I will be adding more poetry websites into the tool bar aswell add radio stations and T.V stations. If you have any suggestionsabout any poetry websites please let me know and I will add those sitesin poetry links part of the tool bar. When I update the toolbar youdon’t need to download the toolbar it will automatically update. Checkit out and let me know if you find any fault with thetoolbar.

Thanks

What amazing couple of weeks passed, for some other people,not for me. Every thing became stale or frozen nothing really happened. Ithought of going to Milwaukeeagain as my brother and his family is visiting that place. But the onlyremaining friend of mine in Milwaukeeis out of town. So I am home alone now. Listening to music, browsing the web,hope I will reach somewhere with this.

This poem, I wrote nearly 12 pages of it I don’t know Ikept on writing it then I read it back and brought it to this long, even now Idon’t know what it sense it may make to many people. Still I thought this makessense to me and may make sense to some. This is an emotion drain for me.

Have a nice time everyone. And stay cool.

UnhealedWounds.

Blessed are those who are loved,
The warmth of the care they feel,
When throughlife’s rough streams rowed,
In the glory of emotions healed.

He gave her his soul,
He gave her the warmth and care,
He loved her beauty and all her flaws,
But lost it all in her ambitions unfair.

Traveled through paths not really known,
Held her in mind even when loveless she smiled,
Dreams shattered when passions went unborn,
But still hatred for her never touched his mind so mild.

When love in his mind so precious grown,
Her mind in the depths of doubts and jealousy swam,
Left him to the pain of waiting all alone,
And his heart thrived for a feeling warm.

For the love of sweetest kind he moved,
From heart to heart with love and hopes,
But none could break the loveless fate which proved,
The cruelty of circumstances that bound him in ropes.

Ropes of obligations and everyday chaos,
Oh’ none seen a soul in wishes of being loved,
Failure after failure left life a journey without a cause,
And all the souls he loved left him unloved.

When hopes every time in his hands shattered,
And pain pierced through heart again and again,
Oh, life, loveless all around scattered,
And every dream ever weaved through every vein drained.

Oh’ bloodless veins and dreamless soul squeezed,
Then from the depths of all negative events found power,
To survive and then in the taking of every bit of pain breezed,
Through every corner of life that covered,
All paths of life with misfortunes that seized,
But good he defined in every bad that uncovered,
Ugliness in the pretty faces who all unleashed,
In their pursuit for material pleasures, hatred.

Still somewhere in the depths of mind a face remainedbright,
Though no meanings in life it played,
The mind of a lost lover lost all sight,
And illusions of the emotions of love betrayed,
And he gathered all the shattered hopes and prepared to fight,
Mindless battles of love and passions unafraid,

Tear less eyes, and dreamless heart awaits,
For that face in mind from illusions to become real,
And a new dream to sprout in a deserted mind that never hates,
But the left over wounds in the power of love he trusts to heal.

©RIAZAHAMMED.,COM

Flyleaf – I am So Sick