Category: Uncategorized

Lies.

No more lies to the world I speak,
But deep inside the guilt I feel,
My time on earth I lied,
Many dreams I lied I’ve had,
Many prayers I prayed to live a lie,
Through lies many hurdles I passed,
And lived as if they were all true,
When dreams I weaved shattered,
No pieces of souvenirs I found,
As with all the lies they all vanished.

About who I am I lied,
About my knowledge and skill I lied,
Bad actor I am in this stage called world,
As all lies like arrows pierced,
Through my heart and I lie defeated,
A truth, the only truth in life I found.

Oh’ no more lies I could speak,
No more actions upon untruthful means,
My heart feels no more fear or pain,
But deep inside a pinch I feel,
After making my life a living lie,
Why didn’t I convincingly lied,
To my own conscience that bleeds,
That there is no love for you in my heart.

Couple of years back in 2003 while driving with a colleague from Milwaukee, WI to Overland Park, KS I got a phrase or title or whatever one may call it in my mind. It was this “A Ballerina’s Whisper”. At that time and until last week I always said this around many a times annoying my friends. Last week I was saying this to myself during thedrive from Virginia to Albany. Haha I got it all figured out during adrive in which towards the evening the sky colored up really well. It reminded me of the aurora and all I wanted to write around that title came into place.

There is fiction and fantasy in this poem that came out completely from my imagination. The part in which I am saying about meeting a girl in a train is taken from an abandoned poem I wrote long time back in SanFrancisco. So the ‘poetrybox’ really helped to fit it all together.There is a real part to it I myself don’t have clarity about it. So the poem itself is inconclusive. I think you understand what I mean. Love always eluded me between cup and lips. So I myself don’t know the end of it all. That is the core I thought about this poem. Tell me if I am wrong or not. Anyway, I hope you all will enjoy this poem and have agreat weekend.

The northern wind blew on to my face,
With no fury but with mercy,
A face warmed by the heat,
All wrinkled up as every bone shrunk,
With heavy feelings of life held upon.

Oh’ that fat old moon too rolled away,
Behind the clouds, darkness swept through,
The cityscapes where upon a skyscraper I sat,
Watching changes, feeling the pain,
Of the unhealable wound.

Though the moon hide away behind,
The clouds moved westwards and scattered,
Dragging the moon down and down,
Then from the north came another wonder,
Splashing across the horizon aurora in colors unseen,
In my amazement first I stood still,
Then went down the streets and walked,
Away from the rumblings of the city madness,
And saw the most beautiful dance of nature,
The best and most beautiful ballerina, I’ve ever seen.

She floated like a swan then breezed over,
On the tip of the clouds she turned and turned,
Fading away from eyesight,
Then jumped back in thousands of colors,
Leaving every star motionless,
Though light years away they are.

She split into every pattern,
A Kaleidoscope can make,
And rolled right over my head,
The cold wind indeed added the blessing,
The dark clouds far, far away,
That was more than any dream,
That was better than the perfect illusion,
One by one my senses filled and fell pray,
To the beauty of the dance enchanting,
My sight with the kaleidoscopic patterns filled,
The smell of air by the northern winds purified,
Every bit of my body touched,
By the wind so gently as if like a feather,
But nothing my ears heard,
I wondered about the silence,
And closed my eyes for a moment,
Then I heard a girl’s whisper,
“Don’t thou ever shut thy eyes to my love”.

I opened my eyes and saw,
All the colors in full bloom but paused,
Then they all started to fade away,
A long streak of light still showed ahead,
And in a distance I saw the aurora dancing away.

Back to my home went I,
And days passed by like the counting beads rolling,
I’ve never seen aurora in that magnificence,
But those words still in my mind filling my senses,
But in the busy city life dealing,
With the materialistic life day after day,
Among lost thoughts and dreams discarded,
Buried the echoes and patterns of that night.

One day during a late commute,    
From work, in the small letters of a newspaper lost,
My senses and I closed my eyes,
And there were those kaleidoscopic patterns again,
I opened my eyes in surprise to find my station,
And through the snail paced fattening crowd I hurried,
When squeezing out I found a mid teen girl standing,
Her face with makeup all colored,
Her eyes, golden hair and the smile I noticed,
Thin like a stick but still pretty in her own way,
Also I noticed the way at me she looked,
Not as a stranger, but someone strangely familiar,
Paused I and paused my senses too,
As she blew a kiss in the air,
In my surprise for a moment my eyes I closed,
Within a second my eyes I opened,
By then her lips on my ears I felt,
Then into my ears she whispered,
“Don’t thou ever shut thy eyes to my love”,
And made a turn on the tip of her shoes floating,
Into the train as the door closed.

Perplexed and amazed I stood there helplessly,
As in my surprised amazement once more a glimpse I stole,
Of her smile and her waving hand in the moving train,
While those words once more echoed,
Through every corner of my body and soul.

a survey! I got tagged by faraway6. Though I don’t like surveys she is a wonderful virtual friend, so I got to do this haha.

10 years ago?
1. I was arrogant and wild.
2. I left city life for country life in India
3. I did not allow anyone to take pictures of me (Because I called myself URDL(ugly rotten dirty loser) haha
4. I wrote a poem with my ex-girlfriend as a character.
5. For the first time I thought national boundaries should not divide people.

5 years ago…
1. I drove from Milwaukee to New York in less than 12 hours without getting a speeding ticket.
2.  I was forced out of a place I called my second birth place,
Milwaukee, as I couldn’t find a job there.
3. I moved to Kansas with my brother and family.
4. Learned that life is what we live not something we should achieve.
5. Decided to shut the poet inside down for a while. Did not write for more than a year.

1 year ago…
1. I was back in Kansas with my brother and family working at Sprint PCS.
2. Did not go to Disney Land when my brother and family went. Told them I am too old for that.
3. Decided to write poems from experience more than from imaginations. Ended up mixing both.
4. Started controlling my temper. Didn’t achieved much but still felt good.
5. For the first time I thought I am Lactose intolerant, which was later confirmed.

Yesterday…
1. Worked all eight hours, and then went to my room.
2. Invited one of my favorite writers on xanga to read and tell her opinion on my poems
3. Watched Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The only T.V. Show I watch regularly other than MONK
4. Felt tired and sleepy during afternoon, but it was just laziness at work haha
5. Almost lost my temper when my Laptop shutdown automatically.

5 snacks I like:
1. Cashews
2. Peanuts
3. Jelebi (Indian sweet)
4. Nan Khatai (Indian Cookie)
5. Mango Juice and Apple Juice.

5 songs I know all the words to…
1. Sacrifice By Elton John (My All Time Favorite Song in any language  or genre)
2.The One by Elton John
3. Your Song by Elton John
4. Only If by Enya
5. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
 
If I had a million dollars…
1. Pay off all my debts
2. Go on a trip to Egypt and Europe.
3. Give a considerable amount to Cancer Research.
4. By this time I will be exhausted and broke again haha
5. ————-

5 things I would never wear in public…
1. A thong haha
2. Anything that have pink in it
3. A sleeveless shirt
4. Low waist pants
5. A shirt with Indian flag on it. ( I don’t like my motherland anymore)

Favorite TV shows…
1.MONK
2.Tonight Show With Jay Leno
3. Late Night With David Letterman
4. Monday Night Football
5. CSI (all flavors of that show haha, don’t watch that a lot but it is a good show)
 
5 bad habits…
1. Smoking (I am in the process of quitting this bad one)
2. Speaking Loud
3. Whining to God
4. Wearing the same cap all week. (I have three that says ‘LonelyPoet’)
5. Doing all of the above at the same time haha

5 biggest joys:
1. Praying, for myself, my family, my friends and all the people who deserves a prayer.
2. Making someone very happy with a surprise.
3. Music of all kinds, especially in the style of Elton John and Enya.
4. My own writing at times.
5. Walking on a snowy day or walking in rain (now a days I get very sick but still I do that).

5 fictional people I want to date:
1. Tess Of The D’Urbervilles
2. Princess Lea (Star Wars)
3. Thelma (From Marie Corellie’s Novel Thelma)
4. Imogen (Shakespeare’s Cymbeline)
5. Mina Harker (Brahm Stroker’s Dracula)

It was not that bad as I thought. Well Fae, I did it.
I am  tagging Kekeway_Arinya_Mekae ( who once tagged me with a survey), spygurlrouge ( if she is still around).

See the following picture. One of my former collegue and a good friend
Lorie Koop was among these women who made a world record for women in
the skydiving. She sent me this picture in an email and I forgot to
open it. Enjoy the picture.

Right from the word go work is getting better haha. This is good in
many ways. I like it. I haven’t moved around this place much just
office and back to the hotel. This is so nice that the company pays for
everything.  Well… I haven’t done much what I enjoy doing here
in Xanga, commenting. Last night I thought I would do that mmm nope. My
old lazy bones did not held up much longer. But the following did not
stopped from pouring out of my heart. I don’t know why I wrote this. I
don’t care, I liked it.

My Sacrifice.

Shed those tears of happiness you will,
When life opens up the blessings before,
You as your thoughts perfects into life.
Though through the confusion of mind you wander,
Dragged in and out, stereotyped,
And labeled as you will be thrown down
To that thin line between sanity and insanity,
Morality and immorality, all by life.

In paths of life alone you will be left,
When the clouds of uncertainty,
Covers and blinds every step ahead.
But sure I promise you those happy tears,
Sadness may be an ocean you may plunge,
But happiness is the unseen ocean of love,
Oh’ every man’s heart opens a path to that ocean,
Where the salty sad drops will dissolve.

If it is not to my open heart you walk,
I will catch those salty drops before,
They fall on the cursed grounds of,
Uncertainty of the crooked life,
And I will walk away with pleasure,
Of seeing another life passing,
With joyous smiles and happiness spreading,
Like a cool breezy summer storm,
From the age of innocence taking,
The first steps of life not knowing,
Your sadness will remain in my heart ever after.

I am in Albany, New York. psst.. dead downtown. Nothing is open. As it
is the month of fasting I can eat only in the night. Now I am kinda on
a water diet. Didn’t got anything to eat. haha. Well.. I am a believer.
That which I didn’t got this night I will get in a better way. I am
sure about it.

Well my xangans. I don’t have any poem for today also. I drove straight
for 7 hours and during the drive itself I break my fast by drinking
apple juice and eating some cashews.  Now the bed is waiting for
me or rather my head is wishing for it.

The last post had one effect, one of the favorite writers of mine (the
one who never comments on any sites) came
and commented on something entirely different. Still no word on my poem
even after I told her a particular poem may interest her. haha. The
other one is after
comics I think.haha

I am glad to hear the comments on my profile picture. haha. yeah that’s
me. I was about 7 years old at that time. Now I don’t know how many
care to know what that 7 year old have become.
I am 36 years old now. Be aware or prepared to be very scared. Click on one of these links.

Youngest Ever
 
Childhood Days

Current Look

The current looks is not so current. None of them are recent ones. From
the pictures with the cap I’ve lost more than 45lbs. I have other
pictures of my family, especially the ones in the 90s I will post it
when I move them to the server.
Alrighty. Thanks for the wonderful comments all posted for my poems. I love them all.
Here is an interesting fact, I usually don’t expect anyone to comment
back even though I love to hear from you all. I have some favorite
sites and two of my favorite writers I always go to their sites and
read their posts and comment on those posts. Other than being my
favorite writers they both have one more thing in common. They both
don’t say anything about my poems. One don’t have any time the other
don’t comment on any sites at all. But the one who don’t comment on any sites surprisingly came to my site and
said hello to me in my last post. Still failed to say anything about the poem.
They are the ones from whom I expected comments for my last couple of
poems. I was left disappointed. But still I love their writings.

I am going to New York tomorrow. Lot of packing to do.
Bye bye, Virginia.

{Changed The Song to Blues For My Baby And me, From The Album, Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player, By Elton John.}

The Undesired.

Oh’ there isn’t a story I can dream about,
As all were in mind already written,
There isn’t a surprise anyone can bring in,
As every bit of possibilities figured out.

The love deep I felt in my heart I hold,
And I see everything around me fall apart.
Reasons I seek not about events undesired,
Times changed I thought were all mirages.

When all that I saw heard and seen,
Fade away into thin air leaving,
Me in ruins and utter confusion,
I understand not why I still seek,
That which I am not supposed to seek,
And for all that why a little palm wipes,
The clouds over my dead lucky stars?

In how many ways should I speak my gratitude?
How deep should I bury what I feel?
Oh’ I feel the ground beneath my naked feet,
That which I thought ended still remain,
The dream, mirages, pain and a new face,
Slowly starting to form a future image,
Still I seek not the reasons for all these undesired.

Greenbay Packers

{{{Update for today 10/09/2005.
     For the last couple of hours I am trying to make a post here. I was so happy couple of
     days ago and in the duration of the click of a hand it was all gone. I don’t want another
     post in here explaining things. I am trying my best to survive this. I don’t know if I ever 
     update this with anything personal. I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. I will be posting
     the poem “Tess Of The D’Urbervilles” once it is ready. That is a promise I made and I
     only make one kind of promises, the good ones. But I will sure be commenting on your
     sites, like I love hearing from you all.
End of update.}}}

Iam a little sick with light fever and congested nose. I rested most ofthe day.  After the afternoon sleep, I woke up and sat before agrowling computer and into the open MS-Word document I poured in whatcame to my mind about an idea that came as a whisper for some reason Idon’t know where, why and how it came to me. Well muse works in manyways isn’t it? I also don’t know why I got this idea, read the poem andyou be the judge as what I am writing about is something I will neverfeel in real.

Heart Beat Of A Child.

Oh’ the love she felt was deep,
The eyes of her lover volumes spoke,
About every bit of life ahead,
Nothing stopped her from the wrath of lust,
And all went past beyond any recovery.

The promises of her love, lied,
Not the promise of nature inside her,
When she first felt a heart beat in her womb,
No past or present or anything of future,
No dreams, thoughts or verse written can describe,
A woman’s feeling of motherhood.

The months of carriage hard it was,
The depth of love felt every moment deepened,
And every bit of life around through senses merged,
Into that life when at birth into the hands of that mother.

Sleepless nights to keep her undisturbed,
Days went by senseless as the little girl grew,
Ages counted but time itself sometime paused,
And watched the daughter holding her mom.
From first steps to every action in the child filled,
With the actions of her own mother.
Oh’ what better love nature can show the world?
Other than the love of that mother for her little child.

The beauty of love nature shown again and again,
Filled in the beauty that little child grown up to be,
It was the perfection of that great motherhood,
In the wonderful charms of that girl seen,
By the world we sense around us
And the fairy world and the Angelic world,
All in union to the rhythm of her heart danced.

Innocence bowed and left for the feelings,
Of romance and everlasting love in her heart,
The action and word of that boy so pure,
The known and unknown worlds again,
Seen the perfection of another form of love,
That consumed two hearts to the first steps of life.

In front of that great mother she stood,
Kissing her cheeks and waving good bye,
Nothing will prove more how well that mother,
Did her duty of motherhood, but her sweet tears,
As the bride and her groom drove away from her eyesight,
Her love for her child and the love of her child for her,
Merged into the heart of that great mother,
The heart beat in her womb once she felt,
Now felt as an odd beat of her own heart beat.

Once more updated only LonelyPoet.Org
 Hectic day went by like the swish of my sword. I have an idea for
a poem but ‘Tess’ is staring at me now haha.  If someone gets a
chance watch a program called “Heart Of A Lioness” in Animal planet
channel. That is one incredible show I’ve seen. If you have already
seen it you already knew what I mean.
Hope everyone have a wonderful week(or what remains of it) ahead.