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I am slowly moving back into my shell, which you all knowbeing alone. It is not hard for me as I am quite used to it. Well… my work is abit busy but how long is a question that came up today. By the end of the weekI will know.  Well here is what I cancome out about yesterday.

07/10/06

The morning dragged around,
As from the comforter I unrolled,
Wide awake in a micro second,
Looked around with an awe and said,
“6:15 damn it, I am late”
Around the room myself I carried,
After the monotonous circus in the toilet,
Now ready for the murder of hunger,
Which reminded me, supper is something I forgot,
Fixed my tea and cereal with mango pulp,
Turned on the T.V to hear,
My darling Diane Sawyer say, “Good Morning”
She is one, who with her prettiness and charm erase,
Her own age and make everyone else feel young,
As usual watching her I took my time,
To make my move from a poet to programmer.

Eight hours of work, Oh’ I love what I do,
Thoughts away from work always breeze through,
My brain as the week began with schedules, busy.
Lunch did not called, so I didn’t go to her either,
By four a hungry lion growled from stomach,
And at five I left the work day behind.

A face everyday I yearned to see but not anymore, welcomed,
In flesh and blood she stood in all her glory,
Now it all looks like a strange game I played wrong,
Or did fate never gave a chance between me and her, I don’t know,
Never looked at those eyes which never looked at mine,
The silence spoke some language we both misunderstood.

Back in my room I laid and brain started to drain,
But every sense only left piercing pain,
As the appropriate and inappropriate,
Through which thoughts passed,
And onto an unknown shore crashed.

The day never any different color took,
Than many empty days passed,
As nothing in life changed for any better,
Myself through the evening I pulled around,
And later relaxed upon my bed without any thought,
Then slowly sadness tried hard to crawl,
Into my mind and a smile upon my face blossomed,
And in a low voice I spoke,
“None never liked though from my heart I loved,
Though I asked why, why, why to myself,
Those answerless why questions always will haunt,
And with this sadness I feel I can only ask one more,
To my own conscience which never spoke”

For an answer I didn’t wait as silence scares,
Crowded became my room, with darkness filled,
And I felt the hand of darkness covering my eyes.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM

I know there will be surprises at many corner with thispoem. Said that… I would like to tell you all that if you don’t understand anypart of any poem just feel free to say that. So that I can correct it and willnot make the same kinda mistake again.  Iknow some of you may find it rude from my side asking you all to comment inLonelyPoet.Com, well… that’s the way I wanted it. As for my poems it is my way.

  Now if you all havenoticed, the building of this poem started way early yesterday itself. If youdon’t understand any part of it feel free to tell me and ask me if you have anyquestions. I have said yesterday itself what happened, that anger, sleepdeprivation and the frustration of it all consumed most of the day except theWorld cup soccer finals and the evening spent with couple of people here in thehotel I stay.

  In all honestyby night time as usual I regretted my thoughts and actions. But never will Iforget yesterday.

Less facial hair and light skin color… wellthat’s the only difference between me and him hehehe. If someone shows my pictureand tell him what I said pssst he may violently kick your butts.  I love the peace upon his face.

07/09/06.

Like a Lilly blossoming the day around me spread,
“O starless dark night goodbye” I said.

Joined billions of people to watch the final,
Of world cup soccer and wonderful it was,
Zidane one of the all time great, his temper he lost,
Though first I thought what he did was right,
Still a wrong is a wrong no matter what.

Thoughts back and forth they traveled,
Even though through my mistakes a darling she became,
Felt the anger after late night I awoke,
To the presence of her in my poetrybox,
Found no word from her but a dedication,
Dedication of a lifetime to another soul,
Mistake it maybe from her, to enter my domain,
Still felt anger, sadness and frustration unknown.

I, I, I Oh’ how many times that one letter word I said,
Bye, bye, bye my happiness said, every time I said “I”,
I sat in a corner of a couch thinking,
Only to know that my existence is not just for me,
But spread far beyond my own imagination.
Though never to anything my life I dedicated,
My thoughts spoke louder than any rationale I know,
Everything material to a point of time belongs,
Which we use and throw away,
Though God remains unimaginable,
Life belongs to him the One who gave,
The soul a cloak of flesh and blood,
And let me walk upon this piece of road I call “My Time”.

By the time I found peace with myself in regrets and prayers,
Darkness filled every corner I know,
Oh’ the moon looked almost full,
And I looked up to a sky with twinkling stars filled,
I walked slowly to my bed and to sleep,
Waking up a little later and I prayed,
“Oh’ never did a prayer of mine for me was answered O God,
She, who wished luck for me and the one she love,
Bless those souls with every good in material and spirit,
As my soul filled with the praise of yours O God,
For letting me thrive in this piece of time, that fills every bit of me,
Oh’ what more blessing of yours should I seek, O God,
But for those who always wish good for me.”

By then I know I cannot move anymore,
As to the rest of the night belonged my peace.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM

I made a post earlier today saying the worst people can doto me. Well… I am not going to repeat myself here. But I will not forget thistime. I am frustrated, angry, and sleep deprived. Grrrrrrrr…. I am one man whowill keep my promise. I am one man whose blessings will never work. I am oneman whose curses always work. Don’t do things to get a curse from me. Believeme, it always works.

  Another thing,I don’t know how many times I told that you cannot comment in here for any ofmy new poems and only if one comments in LonelyPoet.Com you will get a commentin your site. Well… here again posting in my guestbook will not help at all.Once again if you want my comment, you must comment in LonelyPoet.Com. Period.

07/08/06.

The rays of the summer morning crept,
Through the curtains upon my face,
Another summer morning woke,
After a night of dark blank sleep.

Scattered clouds all around lingered,
Trying sometime hard to cover the scorching sun,
A lost migrating bird from branch to branch bumped,
Unknowing what song to sing.

Oh’ sing O bird, sing in the high note,
The grass is fresh and green,
The time ripened for you to be who you are,
Left alone you may be, will leave all alone you will.

Drag no thoughts to your mind O bird,
For the poison of love may freeze and kill,
Nothing is inevitable you know,
And none survives themselves no more.

Fly away after your wings get their rest,
There is nothing that stands permanent,
And none can wait for the love of love,
Love is a fog that can distract and blind your ways.

I watched the bird all day in some waiting, unrealistic,
Wanted to hear, wanted to know, what a mind may think,
The inevitable happened, left alone, in silence and dark,
And fell asleep seeing the clock blinking 1:30AM.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM

The worst crime anyone can ever do to me is making me wait.That crime was done many times by many especially yesterday. Another crime that can be done is this.I only sleep about four hours a day. Waking me up for telling me nothing or tohear them say something I am not at all interested to hear is the second one.Well… that was done very well last night.

  I will post a poem alater today.

The second of the series of poems that is going to come. Not a usualhypothetical scenario I am creating here. All events told in this poemhappened. I am not proud of it at all still I think a reality I shouldhave learned years back is in picture here. Some people may judge me asa very bad person. So be it. I think I told a while back that my lifeis an open book, this is a part I did not opened up at that time. Notall poems in these series are going to be in this way. So don’t worryabout the subject and language. In all I am going to take the next oneyear and write about “Yesterdays” that means I will put down my penafter 365 of these poems. Will I miss some days in between? Hell yeah,but I will try my best to write everyday. Okay… Once more these poemswill contain my thoughts, real life events or real life events I’veheard about and thoughts about those events. Some part or all of somepoems will not be suitable for people of all ages so reader’sdiscretion is advised at this point.
   The Milwaukee trip was planned two months back and I knewwhat I will be walking into in Milwaukee. One last attempt to walkthrough the clean road was blocked. I know there are no shortcuts inlife so for the time being. I have to go through the wilderness oncemore. Will I ever get back? I don’t know. I am getting too old to goback to square one and start over, unless someone drags me back tosquare one. Haha… the dreamer is not yet dead in me.
   Is there anyone to blame on this? Mmm… I doubt it… Badluck, tricky fate I don’t know what anyone calls it anymore. Well… atthis point I can blame many for my disasters, I will not. My life maynot be meant that way that’s all I can say.

07/07/06.

The day with hunger started,
And mind searching through depressing thoughts,
What made me sleep without any dreams? I don’t know,
But empty not are my thoughts as I felt guilt.

A lifestyle long time back I left,
When in a topless club evenings I spent,
Where one loses identity in nakedness,
And for attention a trick I played,
When to the dancers I asked,
To perform lap-dances with their clothes on,
Many with weird respect came close,
Oh’ my eyes were blinded by exotic naked beauty,
And through my hands passed the softness of skin,
And the fulfillment of my fantasies they all became.

Slow was the drowning of my morality,
Intentional, pathetic and deserves no forgiveness,
Oh’ God knows the only way for me to stop,
And everything that meant to me away he took,
Jobless without money, left town into a plight,
And the lifestyle I left, without much thought,
Years through seasons passed,
The immoral mind in the purity faded away,
Purity of romance felt with all honesty,
Oh’ only my mind with thoughts about love, filled,
As every mind from the fulfillment of my love, eluded,
The first one, a lesson about life she taught,
Looks alone can’t make a human and behind looks can hide,
Evil with beauty unseen, clouding every sense.

Then when with respect versifying a character fictitious,
Tess of the D’urbervilles was the darling of my dreams,
Mistakes I made when with emotions I played,
When through the face of a darling girl in real,
To construct Tess, through my verse I tried,
But those inappropriate thoughts and feelings I erased,
As I wrote away all that I felt.

In a new place a new girl I met,
I felt a feeling in every way real,
As she in all appropriateness was real,
But she too excused away back to her past,
Leaving me in darkness and silence waiting.

Oh’ in all those days I prayed and prayed,
For one heart to love me as who I am,
None even looked at me with care,
Many ran away with some fear unknown.

Dejected, rejected and at the verge of depression,
Back to my town with passions I went,
Holly and Christine, Oh’ it is hard for me to forget,
Even days after, their naked bodies upon me I can feel,
The smell of their skin in my nose still remain,
And the taste of their lips and nipples rolling on my tongue,
Beyond money and passion they both emerged,
As in them too I found two humans wonderful,
And with them I realized a bare-naked truth,
That in my fate true love never was written.

The day as usual with these thoughts passed,
As the realization in my mind relieved,
Every thoughts and a smile upon my face blossomed,
Still I felt guilt deep inside for the murder,
Of all the pure thoughts of love in me,
Those colorful lights all turned off,
Those jukeboxes of romances burned away,
A silence inside me with heaviness lingered,
And with the feeling of a tear on my left eye,
I let myself to the hard grip of sleep.
©RIAZAHAMMED.COM

Mo Cuishle,
     As you might’ve read in my pervious post. I am
changing the subject of my poems from mere hypothetical scenarios to
more realistic ones. I don’t care who reads them but for you it will
not be suitable. You will see another side of mine than you ever
imagined. You will also understand that I am not a very good person at
all.  I am not going to tell ya what you should do. Not all poems
will be like the one you are going to see tomorrow. You always can
unsubcribe and go away. I will not feel bad. Okay.
 Once more my apology for being rude in my comments on your
pictures. Such a sensitive person like you may not like my new poems at
all. 

Have a great weekend.
Riaz Ahammed.

Yesterdays, yes, these poems can have anything in it, humor, sadness, romance, sex,anger, frustration, happiness, politics etc. It is all not going to bevery good, as I will not show any hesitation in saying whatever thatcomes into my mind. Everyday I will write a poem about yesterday withthe date of the day I am writing about. The content may have realevents I have gone through, events I have heard or read about. It maynot be appropriate for people of all ages. I am not saying any excuses,as I hate excuses. I used to be a caring man… not anymore. When I wasflying from Philadelphia to Albany on my way from Chicago, the smallplane went through severe turbulence. I thought “Oh boy, is this it?Then I said in my mind, if so, please don’t give me a lot of physicalpain to end it. At least end it fast and painless.” I regretted thethought later. Then I thought mmm I myself don’t like me living anymore. Sad,but it is so true.

To comment on any of these poems, please visit LonelyPoet.Com, allthese poems will be posted in the “New Poems” forum there. It is notnecessary for anyone to register in LonelyPoet.Comto comment on my poems there. If you comment there please use the samexanga user name so that I can locate you easily and comment back. Ifyou comment there you will get a comment back at your site. Otherwise,just read and enjoy my works here itself.

Salty streams, down the chins they flow,
And crawl like a worm down through the sides, tickling,
As the sun powered through cloudless day unopposed.

Young teenagers to make a sale at the lemonade stand howled,
Sun lustfully glazing through bare-naked shoulders and legs,
The summer afternoon with music filled,
Many bodies by the cold bubbling beer cooled.

Oh’ why all love to be in this terrible hell of heat?
My first thought was against what majority loved,
All day in the shade I stayed and at the end away I walked,
In the walk, mind through the day wandered,
Not upon any thought for long staying,
The yearning to be something, somewhere made breathing hard,
The whole body and soul through suffocation squeezed,
The walk and then a shower, still mind in confusion unrelieved,
As the realities only intoxicated a little more,
The feelings I know I must let go,
But they like cancerous cells only pained more.
Though pain from depths of soul through heart felt,
The Angels of sleep were kind enough,
To take the light out of my eyes.

©RIAZAHAMMED.COM

mmm Recently I wrote a poem “Turning Off A Light”, you know what, Ire-read that poem many times, and I now know, that was the turning offof something more. Yes, I don’t think I can write about love or romanceanymore. I will only write about what I live through, and I don’t livethrough any love or romance so it is hyper hypocricy if I write aboutlove and romance. I never thought I will turn myself off like this. Itjust happened that way. There are people who believe that everythinghappen for a reason, whatever is the stupid reason for my existence issomething unknown to mankind. In all probablity none will ever know it.Anyway, I don’t want depress anyone with my own depression haha… I amgoing to think deep and more deep to figure out what subject I shouldwrite about from here on. It is tough, but I will get the better ofthis. Life is my enemy, I will defeat it and conquer it and then I willlive it in “My Own” way.

Five days and nights of partying and being with friends Iknow really, really helped me to get back to square one. Literally I went backto where it all started. Milwaukee,wow what fun we have had. Summerfest rocked the first three evenings. Lateevenings and nights were spend in different nightclubs, Ladybug, Rain, Cans,Taylor’s and partying at my friend Nitin’s place. Three Indian girls joined usfor the party. I don’t like Indian girls… period… nothing personal about anyonein particular. One of the girls and my friend Deepak got really friendly… toofriendly… so as I agreed earlier that I will not say “No” to anything. I agreedto myself and others. It was fun but we would’ve had more fun without thosegirls. Nitin got a date this great girl called Michelle one of the two faces Ireally remember from five days and nights of fun. I look at people who showtheir beauty through eyes and speak from the heart. Even though I did not spoketo Michelle, through Nitin I now know she indeed is a wonderful person. I willspeak about the second face a little later.

  All American Rejectswow they rocked well and by the end of the concert me and Nitin lost our voicecompletely after screaming for more than an hour. As usual we reached theconcert area late and me and my boss and best friend Prabhakar, pushed our wayinto the middle of the people. It was easy as most of the crowd were kidsaround the age between 16 and 20 none of them was in anyway a match for twowild fat guys… haha.. The next day… we went for the “Soul Asylum” concert thistime I told Deepak to take the camera and take some pictures of the band. Theseguys are as fresh as they were ten years ago. Here again we reached the concertlate mainly because of me as I fell asleep and spend nearly an hour and half tofinish my shower. But I did not missed one of my all time favorite songs“Runaway Train”. (I have the old music video of this song in my IPod) It wasgreat. Then we went to see “Joan Jett and the Blackhearts” another wonderfulperformance. She is a little girl but boy she can scream through every cornerof her body. I love it.

  In all I might haveslept about six hours of sleep in five days. I am tired and need a lot ofsleep. We guys have at times away from the Indian girls had lot of “Guys” funalso I don’t want to give any details about it. Go figure haha… my problem allthrough the time was feeling sleepy, my friends mmm drunk to their ass that’swhat I can say. I was always the designated driver but in another way I wasmore dangerous than those guys as I have the habit of falling asleep whilesitting in a chair. But we were all cool.

  On Monday July 3^rdwe were at the nightclub Rain wow wonderful place with great loud music. Idon’t really talk to drunken people as I know they may not remember what I sayand I won’t be able to hear what they say. Here I found the second face thatstuck in my mind. Rachel, that’s the name she told looked very intelligent andof course beautiful. She was just standing near the bar counter looking at me,I was surprised as very little people look at me that way. I went to her andintroduced myself and we were talking about each other. In the meanwhile one ofthe Indian girls with Nitin came to me and told “Let us take a picture” I toldRachel one second and told Nitin to keep the Indian girls away from me. I turnedaround and Rachel is gone to thin air. Literally, I looked for her all throughthe nightclub without being able to find anyone even close to her looks. mmmm Ionce more cursed the entire womanhood sparing my mother and sister and walkedout of the nightclub. Whoever she is, she will be remembered. That’s me… theemotionally hyperactive poet. Haha… well…. There were others I met at differentplaces, Christine and Holly mmm that’s what I said earlier… it was guys fun andI am not going to go into the details about it. Now I am back in Albany… as usual I don’thave my bag with me. Even on the way to Milwaukee,I missed the bag in Chicago.Well… its all part of the fun, that’s how I take it. Milwaukee summerfest 2006 is something thatwill remain in my memory for sometime I really wish I were there for the wholetime. That’s what I decided in the end. I officially asked my boss and friendto get me a job in Milwaukee.Yes, now I know where I will settle down. After nearly nine years of vagabondlife. I decided it is Milwaukee, Wisconsin where I will nestaround.

This is me watching the soccor match between Brazil and France.

From left Nitin, Deepak, Prabhakar and of course the sleepy me.

The Soul Asylum concert.

Soul Asylum Performing Runaway Train.

Me and Nitin with three Indian girls. Two of these are twins and thethrid one Sunita second from right ended up being the best friend of mymy friend Deepak. The twins names are still confusing to me, ones nameis Mansi and another Bensi. Who is who I don’t know. They asked me whydo I hate them I told “Nothing personal, I just don’t like them allthat’s it”. I was so tired of dancing and right after this picture Imissed one of the best person I’ve met in Milwaukee. I was so muchpissed off I stayed away from these girls the rest of the night. That’sme…

Hello All,

    I think most ofyou my readers already know that my poems are getting published in a book. Thefinal draft of the book was submitted earlier today. In all 192 poems in threedifferent chapters are there in the book. Even the latest poem made it. Iwanted to submit the draft before I take a break. I am going to be in Milwaukee, WI,starting tomorrow. I will be there through July 5^th. Most of theafternoons and evenings I will be at the summerfest. Late evenings and nights Iwill be out partying with my friends. So woohoooo I am out for a long weekend.

   Those who want tosay anything about my latest poems better say it now in LonelyPoet.Com as allpoems will be moved out of the website by July 8^th as they are allgoing to be part of a book now. Pray for me my family and friends.

You all have a wonderful long weekend ahead.
LonelyPoet.