Author: riazahammed

I owe you all a lot of picturesand videos. I promised that. I tried to upload it but it didn’t work out. Iwill try again later in the weekend. Hope you all doing great out there in thiswonderful summer. I am feeling a bit lost, well, I am honest, and some how Iwant to escape into a dream. But dreams and their fulfillments are all forpeople who truly understands, how lucky they are. I don’t think I belong inthat group anymore.

From Broken Patterns. 

The little games playedaround in the innocence years,
Oh’ how wonderful memoriesin the mind they lay,
Every bit of time inimaginations spent,
And every imagination like abit inside a kaleidoscope. 

Ah, those wonderful patternsthose bits of no value made,
Through years that left innocencein growth of mind and body,
Still in the mind colors andshapes from those patterns came,
None ever repeated,everything left leaving a beautiful impression. 

Meanings defined, Oh’ theyall meaningless remained,
Predications made, Ah, theytoo became blabbering,
Of a mind in a bubbled upfantasy land,
That made the bits andpatterns in time, valueless. 

Then came a glow that unitedall those patterns,
In beauty and charm unknownto all senses,
That took the shape of aloving heart,
And became real in you.

My whereabouts must be kept secret for security reasons…hehehe… truly. The reason…. mmmm… that’s another secret. There is only one xangan in recent times who had seen me. Oohlahlah…. what a wonderful person she is.. came to me at the airport and told hello LP… and said I am Oohlahlah..
Now I am at the verge of being lost… there is only one who can save me.. that’s myself. I don’t know what makes me think that way, well that’s the way I am thinking now. I will let you know the results soon.

The Pledge.

Middle of all with a hungry soul,
Thriving for the touch of all,
The existence of this soul, none feels,
Oh’ insanity may be an exit with blessings come.

An alley step by step passed,
Howling from all corners heard,
The one whisper for which yearns,
Only silence from that corner came.

Why would you leave me in eternal pain,
Why not leave a feeling from far I can love,
Oh’ your silence in the heat of pain melts,
My heart like a candle in altar stands.

The howling stopped and wayfarers left,
Mongrels scavenging trash cans from one time meal,
When walking by those growls, once more pledged,
Die with a hungry soul or with fulfilled love.

I said stupid in the title, yes, it was not a mistake, I did it again. I booked the ticket all wrong. I booked the ticket for June 19th and the flight time was 12:15AM. Then I booked tickets from Cochin to Mumbai and from Mumbai to Delhi on June 19th. When I reached New Delhi airport they told me the mistake I made. I just stood there not knowing what the hell happened. Then came this girl she asked me what is the problem. I told her ” Super Stupidity” and explained to her my situation. She took my passport and e-ticket paper and left talked to some people and came back with a ticket and told me to proceed to the check in lane fast. I did moved fast, looking for a pen in my bag. Once I got into the lane I turned to see her waving me bye. I said thank you and I am sure she read my lips and she smiled and went to another passenger. She wore glasses and is an employee of American Airlines in Delhi. That’s all I know. That was the stupid and Insincere part. I was thinking all the way during the flight what sort of a man I am, not even thanking her for the help I did.
  The flight was terrible, the food in the plane sucked big time, the flight attendants were rough, one even threatened me saying, I will call the Air Marshall and get you arrested, for using the toilet more than 5 min( I brushed my teeth and took a shave there hehehe). Well at the end of the day I am tired, feeling too fat but back.

Now how fat I become, look at me with Kunjhi Thangal, He is a family friend and one of the direct descendants of Prophet Mohammed(PBUH). I am going on a crash diet program from tomorrow to get rid of all the excess fat I got… in the language of the airline people… get rid of the excess baggage. hehehe…

Have a great weekend everyone. I am going to sleep all night tonight and tomorrow… before I start driving…

When some event or situation comes to an end it really gives a hard feeling. Truly, the feelings is awesome after nearly a month of hectic vacation. The first half was spent on mostly Sufi meditation. Then I visited my relatives spent a lot of time relaxing. I thought of going around and taking some pictures and videos. I took some, I hope I will get enough time to edit and post them. One major change, I became bigger, not in height but in weight, I added an extra 15lbs and now stands around 210lbs. The food here is awesome…. hehehe.. I look like a little elephant now, especially around my waist. May be I will take a full picture of mine and post it here. I will try.
 Well, I am going to take a long drive once I reach USA. Those who know me very well will know exactly where I will be…..

To conclude this part of the year, let me just tell you, it is just hard to change things and when it happens, there is more of sadness of what is gone and it takes time for those feelings to evolve to gladness. Pray for me to smile soon, my friends, my virtual family, my darling, I love you all.

These are the last days here and it is busy here. Tomorrow I am going on a short trip. I have taken some videos, but it is very raw so I need to edit them a bit. I don’t know if I will find any time to do it before I start my journey back to America. I will try.

Here is a poem I wrote watching the European Soccer… Pretty good.. Netherlands just beat Italy 3-0… The explanation of the poem mmm I will tell in another post.

The Power Within

Surrounded by chaotic contradictions,
The charisma of life with spread out wings,
Oh’ passions sprouted in countless emotions felt,
And how many wonderful ways imaginations flown,
Upon those color filled spread out wings.

Deep inside every mind lives,
The pain and yearning of the unachieved,
Be it the dream of love,
Be it the fulfillment of a dream,
Be it the dynamics of everyday life,
Pain indeed is the part of every path.

Through those paths when one walk,
There indeed are hundreds of hurdles to pass,
Choice of life in front of everyone comes,
In the ways those hurdles one pass.

Some around those hurdles, face down fell,
Some at the first one, perplexed stand,
There are those for shortcuts look,
There are those who look way ahead,
Then there are those who try to go ahead,
With their faces to some long gone past turned. 

In all those minds one feeling in common found,
Fear, with the face of a monster unseen,
A monster that changes his face in sync,
With the given situation of the charismatic chaos.
In that fear like candles in a cathedral melts,
Life of many in meaningless chaos.

Oh’ they don’t understand at all,
Embedded in those fears is the power to quell that fear,
The power inside the mind bestowed,
The power to solve every puzzle of life,
The power of mind in strength of faith and belief grown,
A power, most seldom seeks,
Wasted mostly as feelings of youthful charms,
Charms that haunt humanity all their life,
And fertile their own graveyard weeds,

Mankind indeed are the wisest kind,
Mankind indeed are the best of all creations,
Mankind indeed were given the powers of all kinds,
Still many in depression of mind locks life,
And takes the meanings of their life to dust,
Dust with which their material being created.

I haven’t moved a bit from the apartment after I came to India. Justwaiting for the south western monsoon to become strong. It started offvery week this year. As many of you may know I love rain and the rain Iam talking about is not thunder storms. The monsoon rain without windor thunder just keeps on going, that’s the beauty of it. I will  putsome video and pictures in the next post.
  My sincere apologies for not commenting many posts of my friendshere… I will do it soon and the new subscribers… welcome to myworld.
 Now this poem… very simple, I started writing this one during theflight from Chicago to New Delhi. The second stanza is what I wrotefirst. Then I kinda lost myself in it. The recovery brought the rest ofthe poem.

From the furthest corners of memory recovered,
A dazzling dream of the arrival,
Of the magnificence of the cycle of life.

The street corners with dust filled,
And those white dust from above fell and fell,
Silence held winter by the throat,
Still the old man bound by his word,
Dragged along the same paths of time.

No footsteps upon the streets found,
Eyes from up above the high-rises peeped,
Shutout in fear unknown in the throbbing mind,
And then came the wind that filled everywhere,
And she held the hands of the old man,
And sung into senses of a youthful soul,
“Break away the chains that binds,
Break away the walls brick by brick,
Tire not O mind in the tiring life that blinds,
And never fell in the wicked life that tricks,
From the depths soul in gladness find,
Warmth of love that melts the freeze,
In the material senses feel.”

The dream filled the material senses of a soul,
Where the beauty of a face in fulfillment found,
Oh’ what wonderful feelings she leaves,
Every time about her mind thinks,
Never in life about her love doubt,
As in the love of her lifetimes this soul will wait.

The last two posts suggests that I am going to my roots. Yes I am in India. It was a quick decision in one way and a decision to force a change. Well when I called my mother after getting the tickets ready and asked her what do you want she said, I need one of you two to be here.(my other brother is in USA too). I didn’t told my mom I am coming, in fact only my older brother knew I was coming to India. The flight got delayed from Mumbai to Kochi. So I couldn’t reach during daytime. My mother was in her prayers so along with the so called “Mother Of All Surprises” I also became a distraction of her prayers. So my mother is seen here in the video in the prayer costume. It was a surprise for my nephew Omar too. My brother called him and told him he is bringing a T.V actress to home so Omar and his friend were waiting to see a girl. Here is the video of it, as it was night the light is pretty dim. Me and my brother tried our best to play with this video to fix that, the following video is the best we could do.

So after more than 3 years I saw my mom, surprised my sister over the phone. Tried my best to surprise my niece but she is too intelligent, the moment my sister told her over the phone that someone brought some gifts for her kids from USA she asked… When did Saju uncle came? So far I am fighting my best not to get dehydrated, it is damn hot here, about 115f with humidity reaching 99. The tropical monsoon is on its way and we hope it will start next week. For the time being air conditioners are going on in full swing. I will post more pictures and videos of this fantastic vacation.
  I will be back in USA on 3rd week of June.

Okay, I first thought I will do two posts to tell you all something.Nope there will be three posts. A little suspense is good isn’t it? Here is the second poem. The whole poem is not mine from the titleitself one can understand that. I used four lines of a very familiarpoem to end this poem. What interested me is none tried to reallyfigure out what I am going to do. Well, now I can clearly say, “who thehell cares about me anyway” someone I thought cared, didn’t even caredto say a word. mmm, it is a busy world out there aha.

A hundred full moons I have seen,
A thousand nights the stars I’ve watched,
Those tiny blinking lights far far away,
Brings to mind peace and tranquility,
Even when in chaotic violence they burn.

Oh’ those days and nights I pushed,
Learning a truth step by step,
A world without boundary divided,
Bye crooked politicians and fanatics,
Oh’ none can lock dreams in chains and ball,
None can draw lines God don’t see.

On an evening when sun drowned into sea,
Mind said its time to go,
I followed no dream, I followed none,
Still I reached where mind found its peace.

Deep inside still some feelings in unrest rocked,
For which no meaning my wisdom can find,
What left unfinished my material brain can’t find,
Even when chaos and mistakes followed on and on,
From far away many looked at a peaceful smile,
And in my mind echoed a quartet in rhymes I’ve heard,
When imaginations where only sprouting like,
The blossoms in the early spring,
“Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the worlds so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.”.

Through lost ways gathered,
Time as brutal past enshrined,
Blurring the offenses of those days,
Smiles of irony enchants upon face.

Whispers of love only in illusions lived,
Reality never birthed even in life filled,
With negative charms of some unknown curse,
Leaving questions inside mind,
“Why did I birthed and in every breath love her?”

The meaning of love O searched and searched,
In the light of love, in the enshrined past,
Shadows that kept in dark those feelings,
All gone leaving no footprints behind.

The feeling of love O they consumed mind,
The light from the soul in every corner filled,
Oh’ so bright became the light of love,
Leaving every sense blinded by the glow.

Every step taken with all senses shut,
They all in the wrong of life ended,
And the light of love faded in the dark,
Darkness of feelings of love unacknowledged.

All ways ahead O dead ends they all are,
Only ways to the roots known in depths of past,
Maybe in the deserted ways may find,
A footprint or two of mistakes of oneself,
From where will come back paving ways,
Ways ahead in search of a happy day.

Anjali Anjali pushpanjaali – From the Tamil movie ‘Duet” One of my favorite  Indian actress Meenakshi Sheshadri is the one who acted in this movie. Great songs especially this one. Music by A.R.Rahman, Performed by S.P.Balasubramaniam and Sujatha.

Heading towards a weekend. At times here in this site and inlonelypoet.org I have said many times, what process through which Itake an event and expand that event to an idea and write about it. Theprocess remain same no matter what different ways I put it. Sometimethe whole process may take about 10 min. Sometime it may take a week ortwo. There was one time it took nearly 10 years. Life in two differentcountries, 3 relationships in between, 3 major deaths in the family.Still I held on to that one idea. That’s the first suggestion I cangive to a young writer. Consistency and the persistence on beingunique. The one reason I stayed in Xanga is there are many youngwriters who show that amazing talent of expression through words. It isthe most difficult art form. As many are young and naive they justdon’t know the treasure they are sitting upon. When I said treasure Ididn’t mean that one is sitting on top of a pot of Gold or money. Poetryis not valued in money and in fact there is little or no money one canearn writing poetry. Money is for the brain and actions generated outof brain. Poetry is from the heart, to the heart, so it is thespiritual enhancement that it brings. With that one can perfect a lotof the brainy works. Said that… it may only take a simple phrase onehear or sight one see that triggers the whole process, so in a way, amaterial connection is always there. It then goes through the spiritualside. Not a lot of writers these days really understand the differencebetween an action and its spiritual side. For most of the people it is all bound together. To become a poet the first and foremost thing toachieve is to differentiate between the two. Talent alone won’t makeone a poet, knowledge alone won’t make one a poet either. Knowledge isthe action, it can be learned. Talent is the spiritual side of it andit need to be blend with the action at the right amount. That, one canonly earn by practice. A poet should write everyday. Even if what iswritten don’t make sense he/she should write. Because when God gave youthat talent God meant something with it and you don’t want todisappoint God by denying it.

  Here is a simple example of taking an event from life. When I saidlife I cannot clearly say it is absolutely real. Because from the timeafter this poem is written things have changed. I thought of notposting this poem here ever. What I want to show is, how to treat anevent from a poetic perspective. The situation was, I didn’t heard fromsomeone for sometime. I thought that person is gone-a-gone. Just athought what that person may get if that person comes back. Okay thattriggered the process. I wrote it last weekend. Along with theprevious poem. But during the course of this week, that person came back. Sothe reality of the context does not exists. So I thought this will be agood way to show how to take a little idea and blow it as big aspossible, taking simple words and images from reality itself.

Tides came and gone with the moon,
Still echoed the roar of the sea,
More inside the mind and mind swooned,
Opened eyes watched memories in the swollen waves flee.

Oh’ the memories of the liar in me,
The one in whispers lied and lied ,
That the love I felt for you was an unreal plea,
Of mind in beauty and charms bide.

Why ye left love to the monstrous dark?
Tightening chains, mind from inside bound,
The flow of the world making thoughts stark,
Leaving love in soul an un-healable wound.

Step back in time, the healer ever forgiving,
Back at those sunny spring and summer days look,
Days and nights spent in ones own soul rediscovering,
In each other’s mind from where love we took.

Now each other we both lost,
In distant deserts where spring never blooms,
Only mirages we both see of each other’s paths we crossed,
And the paths ahead filled with mists of gloom.

Come back, O dear, come back, with smile so bright,
The love ye sought in fulfillment still in this heart reigns,
In the blinding dark give a lost soul love filled sight,
And enlighten your own soul from loveless pain.

Come back and the looming silence you break,
From a heart that dwells in the realm of gloom,
And in your silence forever ache,
And will wait even beyond the day of doom.


  Now here is something I am starting to work on…. maybe some of youcan also work with this. “Stepdad’s crimes, his authority, his passion,his vigilance. Themother’s helplessness, Their love, the mother’s love… the chaos ofall in everyday life. The heart so frozen with every given day gone by.Freedom from it all an oasis far far away.” This is how I make an idea.I got this idea during writing a comment for another post. As I haven’tdealt with a step dad or step mom situation I really have to dig deep intomy imagination to write this. Some of you who have dealt with suchsituations will be able to express this idea more realistically. Let meknow so that we can compare the works.

 
Have a great weekend.